Memories Bequeathed

Chapter 7

There is something special about the comfort of your home. But, often after long periods away, you realize many places aren't that much different.

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My school only went until eighth grade. After that, they left all of the students to fend for themselves. Mostly everyone went off to another school, much like the original one, but I was sent to a different school. I was ripped from everything I had ever known. I was taken from everyone I had ever known. I was saddened to be separated from Sera. But, when it came to the others, I was happy. I was able to leave Esther and Tina behind.

When you are given the amazing opportunity of a new start, your mind sometimes tends to get ahead of itself. Sometimes you hope too much. Personally, I daydreamed of this new beautiful school where I would meet these nice, charming new kids. I longed to go to the new school and strike up a conversation with a cute guy, perhaps leading to a relationship. I wanted to strike up a conversation with some nerdy girls, perhaps leading to a life-long friendship. My mind was so far ahead of me.

I did know that as the new kid it would be difficult in the beginning. I just didn't know that it would be be difficult because I was new, and well... me. People didn't like me. There is no simpler way of putting it.

The funny thing is that they didn't even know me. They had no incentive to dislike me. But, the other students new my type. Still, I held on hope.

There was one girl, Sophie, who talked to me. She spoke to me like I was crap. She talked down to me like I was vermin. But, she talked to me nevertheless. There, I also met Hailey. Hailey, too, spoke down to me. I would try to strike up a conversation. Between the two of them I only received answers such as:

"Stop talking,"

"Shut up!"

"I don't want to hear your voice. "

"Don't you see that I am busy?!"

Or, they would simply start talking to someone else in the middle of my conversation with them.

It was fun.

Often, they wouldn't tell me where they were eating lunch, and I would wander the halls for the rest of the lunch block. I would never find them.

In the beginning of freshman year, I began to truly hate myself. It was terrible. I was lonely. I couldn't understand why they didn't like me. Later, I found out that one of the popular girls, who I assumed had been in the school for years (based on how others treated her and how she acted towards them and how she had a stable boyfriend), was new just like me. Yet, for some reason, my classmates chose to accept her. The girl, Lindsey, and I were not unalike. We both liked the same bands. We were interested in similar things. We were both good students. Yet, she thrived in an environment in which I did not.

The school was so similar to what I was used to, but I thought that it wouldn't be. In the new school, I had hope that it would be good. I greeted everyone with a smile, only having it waver slightly when I was insulted. I had hoped that I would find a single good person inside the tiny school with thirty kids per grade.

I miss it sometimes. I miss my old school in its stability. I missed it in the sense that I always knew what the day had in store for me. Everyday, I knew that the day would be absolutely terrible. It was inevitable. On the rare occasion that it wasn't, it was a lovely surprise. It was a gift. In my old school, I knew that I, and others around me, would be bullied. But, through it all, I knew that I had Sera who would always stay by my side. With her gone, my world turned upside down. I no longer knew what to expect. Each day I am forced into this kind of unknown galaxy which is like a spectrum of uncertainty. In the morning I sit on the edge of the slide in my backyard and peer down the chute. Then, I am shoved down the tube and I realize that all sides are the same. Everyday is the same. Everyone is the same, at least deep down.

Maybe at first, you are happy. I was, kindof. Then slowly, that smile, that you try to keep plastered to your face, begins to fade. It slowly grows grimmer as the frown forms. You notice that everything you seemed to be excited in, isn't so exciting. You simply liked it because it was new. But, soon the novelty wears off. Soon you begin to see things for the ugliness it has and you notice the chipped glass and the peeling paint that is inside of everyone. The assholes in your new hell are the same assholes in the old one. Only now, they have different names and faces. But you know that they are the same.

Nothing ever truly changes in life. You can keep on running. You can continue to try to get out of a bitter environment, but it is impossible. Almost every environment is bitter. There is no escape from your demons.

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Author's Note

Hey guys! Sorry that I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. I was going to, but then my grandmother died, and I needed to get over my grief. But, even then, my house was upside down and I had trouble finding the time and motivation to write this chapter. Don't worry, I will be more punctual next time. Thank you for sticking with me.

- NerdilyNerdy