Rants

Part 18

I hate the fact that when people see me, all they see is my appearance. I'm so ugly and fat and if all they're gonna see is my appearance I'd at least like them to see a nice one. 

When people say "oh my god you're so pretty" their opinion doesn't matter to me, I think I look like shit and that's all that matters.  But when people say "You're ugly/fat" or something along those lines and I think I look good, their opinion means the entire world to me. 

For fuck's sake I almost burst out crying in PE because I noticed how ugly I looked in skinny jeans. Like I thought I looked nice in them but all they do is point out every flaw in your legs.  That's what people see when they look at me in jeans, every single flaw.

All I want to do is be happy and pretty and thin. I've been starving myself for so long and It's done just about nothing. I exercise until I can't breathe and it won't do anything. God, I just wish I could start my life all over.

I just fucking hate myself so much.

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