Right Kind Of Wrong

I'm no better then you

mons later , sitting at the restaurant after my shift eating a free meal .. I'm thinking of how much my life has changed .. I haven't Seen Jay sense the night he found out I slept with Sam . After the talk Jay left and I haven't seen him. He makes sure our paths don't cross. It's getting very cold outside again and I'm feeling kinda cold inside. Sense school and my job and the intern .. yeah that's all I have time for. I sleep and I'm back to one of these three places .. I've spoke with Matt a few times and I've spoke with Sam a few times , and Tammie comes to see me at the bar a lot .. we have about 6 weeks till Christmas so I'm trying to make some extra money . I know what I wanna get sissy and Tammie . But I need money !! I stayed home to live after Jay left .. but I stay with kammie a lot . And zare sometimes but too afraid I'll run into him ... I still morn my loss of him . I still love him as much as I ever have. And believe me when I say I want him back .. but I knew I was telling the truth that night I wanna do some living before I'm married ... Jeff walks over to me and says I need to talk to u .. I say OK he says OK so there is this program that takes 4 girls each semester to Italy they live there for 8 weeks and take a class for International cuisine it will help you believe me .. but it does have a cost . It will be u and four girls from this area you will fly there live in an apartment with them and split ur living cost. You will take classes 5 days a week . Test done on Saturday. If u fail one test they send u home and u fail the course .. you must work in the restaurant affiliated with the class. U will make good money . But you have to come up with $ 4700 that's the cost .. it's well worth it I did it .. but I'm want to add u to the list .. I'm in shock .. ummm I'm not sure I could come up with the money when ? You have to have the money by feb. 1 st .. oh OK I have time then .. he says yes . But I need to know for sure u want me to add u to the list .. I need that answer by next Monday. OK thanks Jeff . He says have a good night Melanie .and stop eating up all my food. He laughs .. Jeff I need dessert . He smiles so big at me .. . I sit there and eat .. I don't want to go to work tonight ..sad face .. I wanna go home and crawl in my bed . And cry myself to sleep like I often do . It's Friday night and I know that place will be packed !! It's always so much fun !! But I feel so ugh today . What's wrong with me .. I need coffee and chocolate. . Oh lord is it that time again . I look at my calender it's 4 days away . Yep .that's it . It always hits me hard the week before .. uhhhhh sad sad face . That's why I'm so wound up tight . I haven't had sex in mons and the last time I did was with Sam .. sad face .. I didn't want to hurt him .. Jeff walks up to the table with his chocolate molten cake master piece !!it's huge and so so so good ... and he has a huge cup of coffee .. wow !! Awww Jeff ! Thanks so much !! Awww .. he says you work hard I think u should dessert hard ..ee laugh . It's so big .. Jeff whispers next to my head that's what she said ..it die . I put my head on the table and elmo laugh. . A little while later Jeff comes back to the table he says u did t est much. I say here have some .. I pick up a bite on my fork and hold it out .. he opens his mouth and it feed Jeff my dessert . His dessert ..my dessert. Too confused. . He smiles and says dam i did good . Yes you did .. . He picks up the fork and fills it with chocolate cake and puts it in my mouth . He says mmmmm. I give him my best , not so professional look . But Jeff is so adorable! ! I say be good . He says I can't with you around ..