Hold Your Head Up High

Chapter Eight

After 500 years I'm actually updating again (thank you smartpanda12 and smashandfairytale for getting me to write) so this might not be a very good chapter as I'm still getting back into it, but I hope you enjoy anyways :)

I got up off of the couch and started to walk towards the door to the back room.

"Maggie, I wouldn't go in there if I were you. He'll just yell again." Wayne warned me. I took his advice and just stood next to the door, the side of my head leaning against it so I could hear what was going on inside the room. All I could make out was some quiet whimpers and "It's all my fault, it's all my fault."

"I can't leave him in there. He's breaking inside." I said, my eyes tearing up.

"He'll let you know when he's ready to talk about it. Just... not now." Platz gave me a look that said I know it's hard, just sit down and it'll be alright.

Ben had been aimlessly scrolling through stuff on his phone until he spoke up. "Hey Maggie, I have to go pick up the food. You wanna come?"

I was about to say no, but I realized I wouldn't be much help to Dan just sitting and waiting for him. I needed to get my mind off of everything.

"Sure." I remembered I still had to text my mom and tell her about all of this, so I sent her a long message and then got up and walked out of the bus. Ben led me to a car that was parked by it, which I assumed was one of their cars that they just brought along for the tour or something. I got into the passenger's seat as he sat in the driver's seat, and we took off.

"Sorry about that. Things get a little crazy sometimes." Ben started up the conversation.

"It's okay. You guys have all been so nice to me these past few days, I couldn't ask for anything else." I sighed. "I'm kind of worried about him, though."

"We all are. We've always been worried. At first it was annoying to us, his sadness and stuff. But you can't blame someone for who they are. We've accepted him and we'll protect him no matter what."

"You guys are so caring for each other. It's amazing, really." I half smiled, staring at the road ahead.

"I haven't always been that caring." I could see Ben start to tear up, and although he was getting sad it seemed he still wanted to talk about it. "I was a total jerk a few years ago. All I did was go out to parties and hang out with girls. And whenever Dan was sad, I told him that he should just stop complaining about his problems and suck it up."

"Oh." I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"Then one day, Wayne and Platz were going out to some place and it was my day to clean the house so I was stuck at home. I saw Dan on the couch staring at his phone and he seemed really upset. At first I wasn't going to talk to him, but I came to my senses and sat down next to him. I asked what was wrong and he immediately broke down in tears, so I comforted him as best as I could. I felt his breathing getting heavier and he started shaking, his sobs getting even louder. I held him in my arms until it stopped, when he could breathe and tell me what was wrong. I let him spill everything out when all of a sudden he said 'It hurts so much.' He saw I was confused, so he continued."

"'It hurts to live. It hurts to feel like nobody loves you. It just hurts. And sometimes I think there's only one way to stop the pain.' That's when it finally hit me that I needed to stop being a jerk and actually care for my friend."

"I... I don't know what to say." I stuttered, suddenly realizing how much pain Dan was really going through.

"He hasn't been that well lately. But seeing how happy you make him... It makes us all happy to see him so joyful again."

"I don't know about that, though. He seemed like he hated me not that long ago."

"He doesn't hate you, trust me." Ben reassured me. "He's just overwhelmed and letting out all of his emotions at once. When he calms down, he'll be back to his normal self again."

"Good."

"Oh, here's the place." He turned into the parking lot of the pizzeria, parking in a spot close to the door. "You can stay in the car if you'd like."

"No, it's fine. I'll come in." We both walked into the store together.

After he paid, Ben grabbed all of the boxes of food and started to head towards the car.

"You don't want help?" I asked.

"Maggie, your arm is in a sling. How much can you actually carry with one hand?" He joked.

"I can lift more than you think." I replied, smirking.

"Dude, get in the car." We both laughed as he put all of the food in the back and we both sat down.

The car ride seemed pretty short. We talked here and there, but besides that it was quiet. We got back to the hospital and parked next to the tour bus, and Ben got out to grab all of the food.

"Go inside, I'll get everything." I nodded and headed towards the bus doors. I walked up the steps and entered the front room to see that it was empty.

"Guys?" I called, but nobody answered. The back door was still shut as it was when we left. I slowly walked up to it and knocked, wondering if they were in there.

"Don't come in!" I heard Platz shout.

"Okay. I'll be in here, I guess." I was about to sit down when I heard Dan's soft voice coming from the other side of the door.

"Let her in. It's okay." He was mumbling and stuttering as he spoke.

I opened the door to see him lying on the bed on his side, sweating like crazy and shaking. His breathing was loud and heavy. Oh no.

"What happened?" I asked, scared and concerned.

"He's having a panic attack." Wayne replied. "It's getting worse."

Dan made eye contact with me, and once I saw the fear and loneliness in his eyes I teared up. I walked over to the bed and started to sit on it.

"Maggie-"

I gave Platz an I know what I'm doing face and laid down next to Dan, wrapping my arms around him. He looked at me and seemed so ashamed and embarrassed because of what was happening.

"It's okay. I'm here. It's okay." I let him lay his head on my shoulder, and I felt his heartbeat slow down. He was still shaking a little, but he was better.

"I'm sorry I left you last time this happened." I apologized, rubbing his back gently. "I'm here now. And I'm not leaving."

"I-I love you." Dan choked in between sobs.

"I love you too." I laid with him until his shaking finally stopped, and he calmed down.

It had been silent for a few minutes until Ben walked into the room. I looked at him, concern in my eyes.

"It's okay, Maggie. He got through it because of you. Because you care."

I half smiled and continued to lay there, when I saw him lift his head up and look at me. I ran my hand through his hair and gave him a comforting kiss on the forehead.

I care, Dan. And I'll never stop caring.

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