The English Descendants

33

1880- Entry 1

I have survived my first term at Saint Andrew's School for Boys. This is the first day of my second term. I was so busy during the first that I did not write. But there are a few things I should put down so I can remember just how different my life here has been from that in Allerdale Hall.

I keep to myself, mostly. Being new, not having attended since the early days, I am a bit of an outsider. This, of course, means I am teased a bit by the other boys, sometimes because I seem girlish or graceful or that I do not seek to excel in sport. I prefer books and the silence of the library. But none of their teasing is intolerable or even close in its vitriol to that of my own parents and I am never whipped. So I endure quietly. And this, of course, means they sometimes stop quickly, knowing it will get no rise from me. Though once one boy did move to slap my back in jest during these little taunts and I flinched so violently that it brought laughter from the others. I gathered my spilled papers and books and left quickly. One boy asked what was wrong and followed me. I will here record what happened next.

"Thomas! Hey! Come back!"

But I did not, I kept walking, briskly, towards the library.

"What happened to you?" He asked this from a distance, but I could hear from his footsteps that he was fast approaching. I could go no faster without running, but he is older and quicker than I. He caught up and stopped me only when he could stand directly in front of me and block my path. He placed a hand in front of him and caught my shoulder. I jerked away.

"Don't touch me."

"Whoa...Tom...what's going on? You get beat a lot at home?"

I decided that this boy, Luke, who had showed some kindness to me before, deserved the truth, "Yes."

"Dad? Mum?"

"Both. Unless my sister took the blame, and then they whipped her all the harder. And my father tried to kill me more than once. After his death, my mother took up the cause until my sister drove a cleaver into her head. She is in the asylum. There is a reason I take my mail in private." He just stared, aghast, "Now may I please pass? The library is quiet and will give me the space to think and let the terrifying memories pass by in solitude."

And he did. But the teasing never again became physical. When it did, when someone moved to shove me, Luke would give a look of warning, or put out an arm, or block it himself, and it would end. I asked later what he said and he told me he only revealed that my home life was brutal and I needed the peace here. I dare not say that I have made a friend, but I at least have someone with whom I have an alliance and that is more than I have ever had, besides with Lucille.

There are many subjects that I am behind in and I sometimes sit with younger students. It is why I did not return home for Christmas holiday. There were teachers who were willing to guide me in intense catching-up studies during those weeks. Aunt Florence sent me a few gifts- the first gifts I have had on Christmas since I was a very small child. They were practical. Money for books, a few sweaters, and a tin of sweets. And a very warm, very large scarf, a beautiful tartan pattern of browns. I am wearing it now. It very nicely wards off the chill in the dormitory and in the library.

The library is delightful, perhaps the most amazing discovery I have ever made. When I first arrived, I would not go there unless given permission by one of my teachers to research, but then I had to write a paper and no one directed me where to go, so I panicked. I could not bring myself to simply go to the library with my peers, so I waited for my professor after class and very nervously asked permission. He chuckled and said of course, this is what he expected of us. But when he saw my expression, he asked what it was that made me think I had to ask to visit the library. I told him that my father did not permit us in his library and the one time he had caught my sister there, he had whipped and degraded her so soundly that I did not dare trespass where books were held again. He was aghast.

It was then that I experienced the miraculous. He told me that the library was here for students, all of us, to use whenever we felt the need. We did not need permission. I did not need to fear being told I was not allowed there, unless I was caught there instead of in class. Everything in those volumes was available to me. And with that, my entire world changed. It is where I am writing now. I spend nearly every spare moment here, reading whatever I can, from one end to the other. I will read this entire room if I am given the chance.

Thusfar, my greatest fascination has been in engineering. There are engines that run on steam, that can power great machines and trains, boilers and factories, lumber mills and even heating the homes in entire cities while providing their electric power. I wonder- have they yet made things that will power the mines? Eliminate the need for workers, who so easily are crushed by the falling earth or die from poisons in the rock? If not...I could do it. I could make something that will work, that will bring back a stable life for Lucille and I, if only I can learn how this power is harnessed.

I believe I know what I will be studying in my spare hours.

1880- Entry 2

I have spent enough time in the library that the librarian not only knows my name, but has started to pull books he thinks I might be interested in so they are ready when I next arrive.

He has heard there is a position for a page in the university library in a nearby town. He has recommended me for the position because I am running out of engineering books in our own library and he knows that working there, I will have money to send for more advanced books and I will have their books to peruse in my free time. He has said he will even recommend that I be able to take books back to Saint Andrews for further study. It is a dream come true.

And I am only thirteen. Could there be a better job for a young man of my age, stature, and interests? I do not think so. Not, at least, until I understand the mathematics of steam engineering thoroughly enough that I can build my mining machine.