The Scarlet Harlot and The Burberry Beast

Chapter 2 - In Which The Burberry Beast Starts Some Sh*t

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INTERLUDE:

Phoenix smiled at the Jackalope who had just delivered the message that the Harlot was out with her friends for the night and wanted her to join them, and scratched behind his ears. This news was a good sign, as her companion hadn't been socialising properly for a long time. Maybe she was starting to really feel better after all? Fixing her massive sword to her belt, she locked the door to the Firebird Mansion behind her, bent down to pick up Derrin and spread her giant wings.

“Let's go, it's time to have some fun!” she said to the Jackalope in her arms. Derrin winked.

Below her, the lights of Bright Helmstone shone like jewels. Life in her beloved city was finally getting back to its normal pace of chaos and joy. She took off with a glad heart and swooped down in the direction of the sea, the wind rushing through her mane of blond hair. The air was cool, the moon was bright and Phoenix smiled. There was an odd, almost perfumed smell in the air, vague and drifting on the currents of air...

Suddenly, without warning, something pale whisked past her ear; within seconds another followed and then another, this one latching onto her neck with sharp needle teeth. She screamed, and Derrin kicked out with his hind legs and two more of the things bit into his ears and flank. She lost her grip on him and he tumbled out of her arms, falling away with yet more creatures attacking him seemingly from nowhere. She cried out and swooped after him but a rain of biting things followed her and as she batted them out of her eyes she lost sight of him in the strangely odorous mist which had also appeared out of nowhere.

Then a jeering cry was heard and strong hands grasped her arms and legs, a large blanket came down over her head and the scent became even stronger, pulling her into blank unconsciousness. The last thought which flashed through her mind before the darkness engulfed her was “Who'D-ii! Who'D-ii with wings!!”

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High upon the hills overlooking Bright Helmstone loomed a foreboding building.  Long had this building remained empty until some months ago it had been bought and many renovations had taken place.  It had all the characteristics of a Gothic mansion as imagined by someone of the Chav persuasion; Large, pointed towers with huge arched windows, topped off nicely by an enormous four car garage and the biggest swimming pool imaginable, shaped like a knuckle duster.  

Strange noises came from deep within the mansion. Through the front door with its ridiculous diamanté door knocker, along a corridor carpeted with $50 bills, up a staircase decorated with paintings of Kappa girls, the sound of a young person, possibly male or female, in the throes of being strangled by a cat leaked from behind a large bright pink door with a sign “PRINCESS AT WORK – DO NOT DISTURB” fixed to it with shiny gold screws.

“Ooooooh waaaaaah ooooooooooawaaaaah....baby, baby, baby oooooooh, like baby, baby, baby oooooooooh, baby, baby, baby oooooooooh, thought you'd always bee miiiiiiiine” came the words.

In front of a vast mirror in the most grotesque room you could imagine, decorated entirely in pink, glitter, diamanté and Burberry a small, dark-haired girl danced and mimed along into her hair straighteners. She wore a T-shirt with a generic teenage boy pop singer plastered on the front, a yellow and blue tartan mini-skirt and bright yellow tights. Her hair was pulled back into a tight pony-tail and rather a lot of pink eye-shadow and bronzer had been applied with some sort of small trowel. She warbled along, making eyes at the giant poster reflected in the mirror of the same young creature as her t-shirt, which hung over her bed behind her.

“Love you Biebs!” she sang out as the “song” came to an end and another awful auto-tuned monstrosity began.

“You can't stop looking me, staring at me, Be what I be, you can't stop looking at me, So get off of my face, You can't stop clickin 'bout me, Writin' 'bout me, tweeting 'bout me, I can't stop, it's what I gon' be, My swagger's in check”

Suddenly, her voice was joined by another, louder, cheekier one as a red-haired minion bounced into the room carrying something and promptly joined the young girl in a furious dance routine.

Eventually, the hideous noise ended and the newcomer exclaimed “Man, I love Cher Lloyd. I'd well do her in the b*****e” and she flopped down onto the floor. The dark-haired girl laughed and grabbed the box in her hands.

“You are well gross Little Red, like, so gross. Help me with my swag, yeah?”

“No worries Mistress!” replied Little Red, jumping up and helping her put on the large array of shiny gold earrings and necklaces within the little box. “Oh, and your Villain mates are all downstairs waiting for you, yeah?”

“Nice one. It's time for the Burberry Beast to start some sh*t in this town!”

“From what I hear, it's already started, ain't it?” asked Little Red

“F*ck yeah,” replied the Beast (who had fastened her cape about her shoulders and was swooshing it about), “And that Harlot is about to discover that I HATE HER MORE THAN HEAVY METAL!”

(Sorry about the Justin Bieber and Cher Lloyd songs.  There were necessary, honest.)