The boy who knew too much (BoyxBoy)

chapter 4: First real conversation with William

William's my 3rd period hall.

Sitting right here, across the library from me. And I've been staring at him more than half the period. He hasn't noticed. Apparently he's one of those kids who actually do their homework in study hall. And apparently he finds it quite interesting because he hadn't looked up once since he started it. That's fine with me. I don't know what I would do if he caught me staring at him. Probably blush like a girl.

I had a dream about him last night. Not really surprising considering he's the only thing I've been able to think about the past few days. With practically everything I do, I find myself wondering what William would think of it. Same thing with my thoughts. And honestly, it kind of scares me how quickly this all happened. It's only been three days since I first saw him and now my world pretty much resolves around him. I mean, I really  don't know the kid, and he probably doesn't even know I exist, yet here I am, pining helplessly over him. Hell, I even screwed myself socially for him! When I didn't even know if I have a chance with him or not.

What am I doing? Why him? What's so special about this boy that's making me do all of this? For him. When there's a huge possibility that it might not even be worth it.

I don't know. Like I told to Alex yesterday, everything just seemed to click when I saw William. I never wanted something, or someone, so much in my life. He's so different. So new and exciting than what I'm used to. And I want it. I want to be a part of that. Even if it means risking everything I have just for a taste.

The worst part about it is that even if he turned out to be a total ass, I think I would still like him. It's hard to explain, but something just draws me to him. I've never wanted to know someone as bad as I want to know him. Nor have I ever liked anyone else as instantaneously and intensely as I like him. I've never felt this way before. It's frightening, exciting, and just completely amazing all at the same time. None of it really makes sense, but I guess it's not supposed to. And surprisingly, I'm okay with that.

But I'm not okay with the fact that even thought I really, really want to, I can't go over there and talk to him. Why? Because I'm apparently a coward. Funny how I never noticed before. Or maybe it’s a recent development. I never really cared about other people's reactions when I talk to them. William though... Oh yeah... I'm terrified to what he might do if I just randomly start talking to him. Especially if I end up saying something stupid and embarrass myself. I think I'd rather die than go through that. How completely pathetic am I?

Sighing, I go to look away from him, but I'm about a second too slow, because when it's then that William decides to look up from his homework. And guess where he's currently looking now. Right. At me.

I quickly avert my eyes down to the table, even though I know that I won't do any good. He caught me, there's no way I can deny it. Honestly, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner since I’ve been blatantly staring at him for the past thirty minutes. Oh god. I’m flushing. It's official, I'm a hopeless looser. William probably thinks I'm a stalker now. Great, just fucking great.

And because I'm an idiot who can't control his curiosity even if it means more humiliation, I glance back over William to see what's he's doing. He's not at his table anymore. He's standing in front of mine, staring at me with his head cocked to the side a little, with a slightly inquisitive expression on his face. I stare at him, literately in shock. Even if I wasn't, I'd still be afraid that my rapidly beating heart was about to erupt from my chest. Or worse, that I'd end up saying something ridiculous and scare him away. So, yeah. I'm kind of glad I'm slightly incoherent at the moment. Then, after what seems like an eternity, but it’s really only fifteen seconds, William gives me a nice, friendly smile that makes me grateful I'm sitting down. Because surely, my knees would have given out if I'd been standing. It's really that charming.