Heal Me

Chapter 14

After he read the letter Evangeline had sent and placed it next to him, Damon remained dumbfounded: she actually cared... She cared so much about him that she promised to herself that no matter what, she would be there for him... she would be the one to heal him. How could Evangeline think that? She was so naive...

'... whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me.'

'I just want to and this wish turned into an urge I can't possibly stop.'

'I just want to make you smile and laugh and be truly alive again...'

'I want to ease the pain for you, Damon, and eventually show you that you CAN be happy...' he thought and a lump formed in his throat.

'ease the pain...'

He let a hot tear roll down his right cheek while he buried his face in his hands, his fingers grasping at the soft brown hair in despair. He was so tired... so tired of everything. He suddenly remembered the day he was decided to end it all...

He could not do it.

He had decided that if he were to end it... the pain, the guilt, the shame, the horrible nightmares, their screams inside his head... he would choose a painful way, a way that would hurt and scare him as much as they got hurt and scared that day. He had considered pills or cutting his veins, but both options seemed too mild, something he was not worthy of.

So he had woken up at about 3:30 A.M., dressed up then quietly got out of the house. He had walked to his car and started sobbing as he put the key into the ignition, his hands trembling. Damon had driven off without any idea where to. He had just wanted to die the same way they did... in a car "accident". But there weren't any other cars on the streets so he had decided to hit a tree or -frankly- anything. That did not matter.

So he had driven to an empty road, without any buildings or parked cars, and picked a tree... He gulped and hit the pedal. But, instantly, memories of his father appeared in his mind... teaching him how to ride the bike when he was little, taking him to where he worked, giving him they keys of his first car, then the accident... The few wrinkles which appeared around his eyes, the unspoken words, the late nights spent working in his office, wetting with his tears God knows how many documents...

It was all his fault but he could not do that to his own father, leaving him all alone. He loathed himself even more when he realized how selfish he could had been. But he had hit the brake just in time...

He could not do it.

"Such a coward!" he wanted to shout but his cracked voice made it come out as a incoherent whisper.

"I deserved to die. Me and only me; not them... I should have died... I should have died..." Damon mumbled repeatedly, just like Evangeline did on the night of the party. His body was racked by sobs but he didn't even care if any of his neighbors saw him. He did not want to care about anything because caring hurts... it hurts so bad that Damon simply did not know what to do anymore; he felt so lost...

He wiped away his tears and calmed himself down. His eyes involuntarily fell on Evangeline's letter and he groaned.

'I was not okay and I'm not going to be for a while...' the phrase suddenly popped into his head and his eyebrows furrowed. He cleared his throat and searched it.

'It is not because of that guy who touched me, but because of something else' he read silently and his frown deepened.

"What does she mean by 'something else'? What kind of 'something else'?" he muttered to himself and bit the inside of his cheek.

'... because of something else that I cannot tell you right now.' his eyes moved attentively over Evangeline's simple yet unique handwriting.

'Then she will eventually tell me.' Damon nodded to himself, still deep in thought, then stared blankly at the letter. Blinking once, he grunted and ran a hand through his hair.

"I do NOT care!" After a few moments, he rubbed his temples.

"Argh! I'm just begging for some deep shit to get into." he muttered again and, folding the letter as he had received it, then in half, he finally stuffed the paper in his pocket. Damon then got up and, with a deep sigh, went to his car. He needed to talk to her. He knew that Evangeline was rather stubborn, but it was all just too much. In just two weeks, she had turned his world upside down... her smiles, her words, her gold ring, the intensity of her gaze, having her in his arms, hugging him or dancing, her lilac perfume which engulfed him into an ocean of calm and security every time, the red scarf he still had, crumpled in one of his pockets... Why were all of these happening to him? These things felt so good... when he was with her almost everything felt so good. Why? He did not deserve any of it.

'... until you move on from whatever had hurt you.' Damon suddenly remembered and snorted. She would have to give up eventually for he could not possibly move on from the death of someone he still loved so much...

~

He carefully parked his car in front of her house and took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. A few seconds later, a middle-aged woman appeared in front of him, showing him the smile Evangeline had always worn until the night before. He assumed she was her mother but Damon was simply too amazed by the similarities between the woman in front of him and his mother. A lump formed in his throat as he hungrily took in her chestnut colored hair, secured in a messy bun, her soft green eyes and her petite figure. The baby blue apron she was wearing had stains of flour and cocoa, but she was still so beautiful... just like his mother.

"Hi!" she chirped excitedly, dusting off her apron. "How can I help you?"

"Uhm... hello. I'm Damon and-"

"Nice to meet you." the woman smiled and immediately went to shake his hand. "I'm Anna, Eva's mom."

He just nodded and took a breath to continue what he had to say.

"Is she home? I would like to talk to her, if that's alright with you." Damon softly said.

"Of course! I'll-"

"Mom?" he recognized Evangeline's voice. "Who's -" she stopped as her eyes met Damon's. She wanted to speak, but her throat suddenly went dry as his soft look turned into a glare.

"I'll leave you to it." Evangeline's mother smiled again and disappeared into another room. They were both staring intently at each other as Evangeline slowly walked up to him.

"Do you want to come in?" she murmured that he barely heard it. She had gotten so shy she could not even look him in the eye. He glared at her for a few more seconds, experiencing so many mixed emotions that he did not know what to say to her.

"No." Damon finally muttered, his gaze still burning into her. Noticing that Evangeline was looking at the ground and not at him, he sighed and checked his back pocket.

"We have to talk, Eva..." he now spoke softly, so gently pronouncing the three letters of her name.

"We need to talk about this." he continued, showing her the letter.

"I know..." Evangeline whispered, finally meeting his intense eyes. "Just give me a second." she said louder and with that she dashed into her room.