Extra

18- It's Not A Choice

"I really like him," I admit to Kurt as I'm talking to him the next day. "He's really kind of amazing."

"I want to meet him," He tells me. "This Hudson guy. That's the name of a bay in Canada. Why is he named after a body of Canadian water?"

"I don't think that he's named after the bay, I think that it's just a coincidence," I assure my brother as I'm sitting on the other side of the table. He looks really good today, I think that the medicine is really working. After I finish my visit with Kurt, hopefully, I'll be able to talk to somebody about when they'll discuss a release date, or if they're planning one at all.

"It still sounds kind of odd," He explains and then his eyes flicker over to something over my shoulder as he starts having a hallucination, probably seeing somebody or something standing over my shoulder. Or he's hearing voices. Either way, he doesn't seem too bothered by them because he just stares, he doesn't talk back or look afraid. "I want to meet him."

"Maybe we should wait just a little longer for that," I suggest lightly. "I mean, we only had our first date last night. We just have to see how things go but you can definitely meet him. I would love for you to meet him, I think that you'll really love him."

"I'll be the judge of that," Kurt looks back at me. "Why aren't Mom and Dad here?"

"I told them that I was coming," I tell him. "But Mom had to work. She said that she'll come over right after work though to visit. Dad was busy too."

That's a lie and I don't know if Kurt knows that I'm lying when I tell him that dad's busy or if he hasn't noticed yet that I use the same three word excuse every time that he asks about our dad. Our dad does come visit Kurt sometimes, maybe once a month. But it scares him. He will never admit it, but he's afraid of seeing his only son like this. I think that it's bullshit that he won't be there for Kurt because yeah, it is scary. It's terrifying and it hurts like hell to see Kurt like this, being torn apart by something inside of himself and all we can do is sit here and watch it happen.

But the one thing- the very only thing- that we can do to help him through this is to be here for him. To come see him as much as possible and to support him through whatever difficulties he's going through. But one time, my dad saw Kurt have a really bad episode and that's when it really spooked him so he pretty much stopped coming around.

I love my dad but when it comes to Kurt, he's a real coward. Kurt never seems to mind though but I can't tell if he really doesn't mind or if he's just a really good actor.

"Do you have to work today?" Kurt asks me, completely changing the subject.

"No, I don't have any work for the next few weeks. I'll probably just focus on getting some schoolwork done between now and then," I explain. "And coming to see you all of the time, of course."

"Good. What's your next job going to be?" He continues to ask questions.

"Uh, I forget the title but the director is really famous. Johnny Depp is the lead so how cool is that, right?" I say with an excited smile because, I mean, who wouldn't be excited to work with Johnny Depp?

"Jack Sparrow," Kurt says, recognizing Johnny Depp as the celebrity who played a pirate in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

"Captain Jack Sparrow," I jokingly correct him. "Yeah, that's the guy. Unfortunately, this isn't a pirate movie. It's an action movie so that'll be interesting. The last time I did an action movie, I scraped up my knee."

"Don't get hurt this time," He tells me. "Captain Jack Sparrow will laugh at you."

"That'd be humiliating," I add. "I'll be sure that I don't do anything like that. Anyway, how's that nurse that you were talking about? The really pretty one?"