One Sticky Situation [Spideypool]

Self-Loathing

     Trigger Warning: Mentions of Depression, Anxiety, Sex and Suicide. There are no (in-depth or any) deaths, but are strongly referenced.
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Wade brushed his knuckle against Peter's pale face, feeling the soft compared to his ragged skin. His lips turned up slightly, melancholic. Tears pricked his eyes as he continued to look at his boyfriend. His boyfriend. Not even the pride, joy and love from Peter could erase the thoughts in his head; the constant bickering.

Peter deserves better.

       Wade looked at his own hands. Scarred. He brushed against his hair. Fake. Why didn't the chemo work? More importantly, why wasn't he dead? He was a mutant. Man-made, at that. The tears in his eyes rolled, sliding down his cheeks, like raindrops off the hospital windows when he still hoped for recovery. He never had gotten his "Make a Wish" Disney World trip, all he got was a key-chain from Las Vegas. The money was used by his foster parents. This was when hope started to become a distant memory.

Peter deserves better.

     Wade shook his head, but failed to realize his whole body shook with him. How could Peter love him? How did Peter look past this face, this body, and distorted personality? Wade, still sitting next to a sleeping Peter, started to have a panic attack. His own thoughts tearing him apart similar to the cells slowly tearing him down from the inside out- only to start again once he dies. He just keeps waking up. He doesn't want to keep waking up.

Peter deserves better.

   Tears kept falling and couldn't stop. He was supposed to be the strong one. He was supposed to protect, care and love Peter, not let his feelings drown him again. His nails dug into his palms as he tried to calm himself down, except he only shook more. He felt cold, but it was only his damaged psyche, digging him into a deeper hole. He was damaged goods, a moldy avocado- if you will.

    It was too early in the morning. The shaking and shivering started to stop, but it wasn't enough to chase out any of his self-deprecating thoughts. The nails digging into his skin finally relented as Wade sighed, remembering there wasn't ever an end to the war waging on inside his body and mind. He needed to focus on what was  important. Who he loved. As the aftershock of his attack wore off he took his place next to Peter in bed. As he pressed softly against his love, Wade knew that this would work. "This" meaning he and Peter. Optimistic thinking calmed his nerves, until he finally drifted back to sleep. He wanted the Mr. Stark-Rodgers to come home, so he could leave Peter to his family again. Even if it would leave him homeless.

    As he finally blinked off to sleep, a yearning for family filled his being, mixing with the familiar sadness.

***

Peter woke up, feeling warm and well loved. Wade's arms wrapped around his waist, and his head in the crook of Peter's neck. Peter wondered when Wade fell back asleep, since he'd woken up to his touch. It was nice, waking up knowing Wade was there. After the mouth on his shoulder molded into a smile, Peter knew Wade was awake. "G'morning, honeybun." He felt a breathy laugh against his back as Wade slipped his leg through his legs and his chin against his shoulder.

"Same to you, beautiful face. What time is it?" Wade kissed Peter's cheek, again noticing how broken, and how lucky he was.

With a yawn, Peter guessed around four or five, since the sunrise was just around the corner. They didn't have to get ready for a while. Wade just nodded slightly, and nuzzled back into Peter.