You make me laugh.
Even now, I giggle at my memories.
The ones you probably don't recall.
Like when I revealed my accent and you laughed, faux-mocking me.
We sat by each other all semester, and I grew used to your smell.
It's gone now.
I revealed secrets, let you in, even put my book down.
You laughed and joked and talked easily, and I wonder if you liked me or if I was your only option.
You tried to be a wingman, but I only had eyes for you.
You were confused on a question, so I helped you.
You are persistent and bombarded me with questions until I finally revealed the answer.
I never turned you in for texting during class and you never turned me in to your girlfriend for loving you.
Only, I didn't know that I loved you then. I thought you were a phase.
But I still love you, from August to April, your face crossing my mind everyday.
I never told you how handsome you are with your smile or how your eyes crinkle when you laugh and your right ear has a freckle that I longed to tap and whisper in your ear, "I like your freckle right here."
I never asked you about how you came to be with her, the girl that is my silent enemy, with her caked face and fried hair. How did you end up with her?
I never asked if you were happy with her because you never said anything about her and I found out from your Instagram. I guess you weren't because you deleted all your pictures with her.
I never asked if you liked the bright colors in my hair or the glasses on my nose or the hands that caressed the pages. I never told you that I would put down my book forever if it meant that you'd keep talking to me.
I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I did. I guess we would be exactly where we are now; you oblivious and me observing from afar.
You never told me about your mom or dad. You never complained about girlfriends or homework or driving or big sisters. Not that I would have understood the latter; I am the big sister.
You never brought up the days you swore you saw me driving. Maybe you have seen me driving now. I got my permit four months ago.
You never mocked my decisions or my hair or my books. You never stared at my boobs like the others or commented on my body or made obscene remarks.
You cleaned my glasses for me, without me asking. You took all the words I wrote in pencil on the back of my bookmark and rewrote them in pen. Perfectly.
I lost that bookmark during Christmas Break. I guess it's suiting because that's when I lost you.
You made me laugh until I was breathless and you flashed me that grin that made me smile back and you stretched backwards and smiled at me from upside down.
You changed in the last two months of first semester. You became quieter. You paid more attention. You answered correctly. You stopped Snapchatting the queen bee in our class. You stopped talking to me so much.
But I love you. I love your blond hair, your blue eyes, your shoulders and your grin. I love your sense of humor and your brain and the way you walk. I love your personality and your kindness.
I love you.
And so if the day comes when I could change this title to your name and read this out loud to you, it would be one of the happiest days of my life.
And if it doesn't? Well, I will always remember the blondie that I love.
