ASLEEP YET AWAKE

okay I admit I am crazy !

If I thought that it was an end for the day then boy! I was wrong because mom had other plans. I reached home tired due to all the walking and all I had in mind was to climb in my cozy bed and doze off. But my life likes playing games with me. I noticed that the lights were on from distance. I sighed at the sight. It meant that mom was home and sure she would like to have a serious chat about my life and career since I have been wasting a lot of time lately.

I walked in the front door and found mom sitting on the living room sofa.

"I am home". I announced as I placed my bag on the sofa and sat Ame down.

"Where have you been?" She questioned as she pointed at the shopping bag.

"Just went shopping and got some toys for Ame". I replied cooly.

"Ame? Your cat?" She asked in confusion.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be so insensitive mom. Yeah her name is Ame". I said.

"Not being insensitive baby. I like her too. She is cute". She tried.

I went to the kitchen to get some milk for Ame. She must be tired too.

Mom followed me to the kitchen as I washed her bottle and waited for the milk to boil.

"You love her. Don't you?" She asked me.

"Ofcourse I do". I replied without looking at her.

"I never knew you loved pets". She said.

"Mom she is more than a pet. She came like a saviour. She pulled me out of this deep well in which I jumped myself due to loneliness". I told her.

I walked back to the living room and picked Ame in my arms.

Mom came back and sat next to me.

"It feels good to see you happy again. Somewhere deep inside I still blame myself for not giving you enough time". She said in a regretful tone.

"Come on mom...". I protested.

"Right. I know it is not the time". She surrendered with her hands in air.

I laughed. "Anyways why are you home early today?" I asked her.

"Yes. I was coming to that. You know the official trip I have every year? This time it is planned a bit early". She said slowly choosing words wisely.

I felt a bit odd. What was there too be so gloomy about? She is always excited about her trips.
"That's great". I told her with a smile.

"But there is a problem..with the dates..".she said in a guilty tone.

Shit! I hated twisted conversations as much as I hate serious one's and I could see it going in some other direction.

"You see I have to leave tomorrow night which means that I will not be present on your birthday". She confessed.

I stopped whatever I was doing as her words sunk in. My birthday! Birthdays meant party and a party meant friends and right now I had none. Nevertheless I didn't felt like partying.

Mom always thought that it was her duty to be present with me as I crossed another year. To me it was a signal that I was growing up and soon going to die. Every birthday brought me closer to my death. You can call me a pessimist if you wish. But I have never been the partying kind and birthdays are never a big deal to me.

Every year mom takes a day off and we go out for a movie or something. She calls it a mother - daughter day. The only day of the year when we spend each moment together. She is always more excited about my birthday than me. Let alone the fact that I am never excited.

I am not saying that I hated going out with her infact I liked it but right now I was not in the state to spend a day with her and have her nag me about my life.

God! I was one heck of a person to forget my own birthday!

Yes you are. My mind shot back.

"Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday". She said dramatically.

"What date is it?" I asked her still in shock.

"August twenty third". She replied in a matter of fact tone.

I looked at her with wide unbelieving eyes. I seriously had no idea about my birthday.

"Seriously Lara this is the height of carelessness". She shook her head and sighed. "Anyways I wanted to tell you that I am taking a day off tomorrow so that we can go out tomorrow itself since I will be off to the trip before your birthday". She said.

"Alright mom". I said trying to look cheerful.

"I hope you are not having any other plans". She said.

"Yes. Nothing. Just an appointment with Jenny in the morning. I am sure I can manage that". I told her.

"Ok then". She stood up. "I will go and sleep. I have bought tickets for an evening show. Good night honey". She said and bent down to plant a kiss on my forehead. She turned and began climbing the stairs to her room.

I picked up all the bags and Ame and began moving towards my room. I opened the door with a kick since my hands were full. I placed Ame on the bed and all the bags on the table.

I took out some comfortable clothes and changed into them. I combed my hair and washed my face. By the time I was back Ame was already asleep at the foot of my bed. I turned off the light and climbed under the covers. I was too tired to stay awake.

Sleep engulfed me as soon as I closed my eyes. But my mind was still awake and dreams were bubbling in my subconscious.

I sat in the same little cafe I had visited twice today. I was scanning the menu when someone came and tapped on my shoulders. I turned around to find Ray. He came around and sat opposite to me.

"Sweetheart". He greeted me.

I looked at him with intent eyes but did not respond. There was no point in responding when I knew that he was just an illusion.

"I invited Mia too. She might come any moment". He told me.

But I still did not respond I just kept looking at his beautiful face silently wishing that he was real.

"What happened? Why are you not replying?" He asked me with serious eyes.

Before I could snap back. Mia came too. She was her usual chirpy self and hugged me as soon as she spotted me. She sat in between me and ray.

"What's going on?"she enquired.

"Seems like someone is not in the mood to talk today". Ray said.

Mia looked at me and then Ray. They had a silent conversation for a few seconds.

"So what are the birthday plans?" Mia spoke at last.

Great everyone knows it's my birthday except me.

After a minute when I did not reply Ray huffed.

"She is being tough". He said.

"What's the deal Lara?" Mia asked me.

I looked at them with fury in my eyes.

I closed my eyes for a moment. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my finger and thumb.

"Look you guys are not real. It's just my stupid mind playing games on me. Meeting you again and again pulls me 2 steps back every time I take a step forward. It would be much easier if you people will go". I blurted out.

They both looked at me with shocked expressions.

"I don't want anymore explainations. I know you are not real". I said and stood up. "You are not real". I repeated and began walking towards the door.

I did not look back even once as I started towards home. They are not real I know it and I am going to accept it for the better.

Everything became dark and I could not see anything now. I pulled back from my dreams as my mind finally decided to rest for the night.