Crimson

The Last One

Sean was the last one to break my heart. I don’t think I’ve ever cared for anyone as much as I did him. And here we were, two very different people. Not that we were very much alike to begin with. To many, I was always the broken one.

Him standing on my front porch was strange and familiar at the same time. “What are you doing here?” I asked, bewildered.

“I was assigned to cover a big case that’s blowing up. Have you heard anything about the rampant killings with no apparent motives? There’s some dangerous guy out there, Livi, they haven’t quite pinned his MO yet.”

“How do you know it’s a man?”

“Beats me, but I hear the Feds say this predatory behavior is usually associated with highly psychotic and deranged individuals.”

“So you’re back here to cover the story, what are you doing here?” I gestured to my doorway.

“I wanted to see how you were doing, I missed you.”

 “You missed me?” I scoffed. “And it took you five years to realize this?”

Sean looked apologetic and tried to brush a strand of hair away from my face. “I should have stayed in contact, I just didn’t want to disappoint you.” 

“The biggest disappointment is unreliable people. You weren’t here when I was struggling with law school. I was by myself. Do you know how hard that was for me?”

“I’m sorry, Livi, I really am.”

“Apologies are just words that express guilt, aren’t they?”

“It’s not like you reached out to me either,” he began to raise his voice, “we lived in the same damn time zone.”

“Fuck's sake, Sean. Don’t make this all about you. I was in so much debt from law school that I couldn’t even afford to pay my phone bills. So spare me the lecture.” I bit back hot tears. “Selfish of you to think you can casually waltz back into my life like nothing happened.”

“I’m not saying nothing happened. I’m standing here because I want a fresh start. With you” he said as he cupped my chin with his fingers.

I grabbed his fingers and peeled them away. “I can’t believe you have the audacity to come here and pretend like you care again. You don’t know me, at least not anymore.”

He tried opening his mouth to say something, but I couldn’t let his bullshit ruin my life anymore. I grabbed the Louisville Slugger behind the door and struck him face first. He swung back and fell onto my porch.

“You’re the one? The one they’re looking for,” his eyes wide open in disbelief. “How could you, Livi? All those men...” A disgusting mix of blood and tears were running down his cheeks. He tried getting up, but I pinned him down with the Slugger.

“You left me once; you’re definitely not leaving again. The shrink said I have abandonment issues, so you owe me this.”

Spitting bits of blood out, he managed to say, “They’re on to you, you know? They scraped Gottorp’s shoe and found trace evidence that will match the swamp behind your grandfather’s estate.”

“No shit, Sherlock. Of course they’d find that. We were screwing each other.”

“It’s enough to get a warrant to search your home, and god knows what you’ve got in here. What happened to you, Livi?”

 “Is this your way of avoiding the inevitable? I’m going to finish what I started.” I gave him another strike to the head, this time with everything I’ve got.

He attempted to claw away from me, his knuckles and fingernails scraping the porch. “If you’re going to kill me, just do it. If you cared about me at all...” he pleaded.

“I loved you, I really did. Which is why this is going to finish off nicely.” I withdrew my knife and grabbed him by the shoulders in an awkward embrace. By the time Sean and I finished our bloody tango, I proclaimed myself a natural. The swiftly-drawn line across his left collarbone was a masterpiece.

Covered in the sweet, sweet smell of blood, I didn’t hear the sirens, nor the front gates unhinging. Sean, my first love, was irrevocably also the last one.