The One With The Viper Tattoo

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Karl was the one with the viper tattoo. Naturally, we met at a trashy bar called the Hogtown Tavern. A haven for douchebaggery and cheesy pick-up lines, it didn't take long for Karl to try one on me.

"Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!" he shouted amidst the blaring tunes the beat up speakers were playing.

Ugh, I thought. Another douchebag bites the dust. Was there a convention for "Horny Suburban Idiots" tonight? If only I could axe them all at once.

"Actually, my name's Olivia."

Surprised I was still talking to him, he leaned towards me and whispered, "So, Olivia... Did you want to get out of here or what?"

Less than an hour at the Hogtown Tavern, and I already found my Catch of the Day. Karl was by far my easiest catch, so eager and a typical grade-A asshole.

We want back to his motel room, dinky and run-down as expected. How people could even breathe in these germ incubators is beyond me.

"Just let me find my keys, babe. They're in my pants somewhere, among other things." he said as he gave me a sleazy wink. 

I tried not to cringe in disgust. Patience is certainly a virtue, and the promise of crimson kept me going. "Sure thing. I can't wait!" I replied in my sweetest voice. 

Once we were in the room, Karl offered me some cheap rum. "No thanks, we'll both have more fun if I'm sober. This way I can pay attention to all the important details." I said as I slowly led him to the corner table as I unbuttoned his shirt.

I hit him hard with the tacky table lamp. Staggering sideways, he still managed to say, "Hah, you play dirty. I like. What else do you like?" So I hit him again. And again. Third time's the charm.

Karl wasn't the least bit surprised to wake up with his hands chained to the headboard.

"Elizabeth, was it? Didn't know you were into this shit, are we done here or what?"

I cocked my eyebrow at him and replied, "No, we're just getting started.” I fished out the scalpel from my purse and made an incision from his left shoulder down to his forearm.

"Aghhhhhhhhhhh! What the hell are you doing? I didn't sign up for this!"

"Shut your dirty trap!" I hissed as I stuffed his right sock into his mouth. "Screaming will only make it worse for you. I happen to enjoy watching people squirm and suffer." I continued making the incision, and by the time I was done, Karl’s face was glistening with sweat and tears. Muffled sounds came from his stuffed mouth, so I took the sock off.

“Any last words?”

“I’m sorry, Elizabeth, for whatever I did. I’ll do anything, just please please please don’t do this.” he begged.

“It’s Olivia. O-liv-ia. How did you even get Elizabeth?” I scoffed. “This is what happens when men think with their dicks instead of their brains.” I added, before I bent his head forward and cut his throat from ear to ear, making sure to also hit his trachea. Bloody mist sprayed me as Karl gasped for air.

It was quick and quiet, a peaceful sight to behold. Bright crimson oozed all over the plastic-covered bed. This made cleaning up fast, which gave me more time to drive to a ravine not too far from the Hogtown Tavern and leave Karl behind to the delight of some hungry coyotes. Even if his scattered remains were to be found, death and drugs are no strangers to this part of town. And frankly, no one cares enough to cater to lowlifes like Karl.

I had a few friends over the next day for some hors d'oeuvres and cocktails. You could call it a celebration of sorts—one less douchebag known to women.

My friend Jill noticed a new addition to my rare finds collection. "Livi, where did you find this leather piece? It's exquisite!” Along with this house, my grandfather left me an astounding treasury of carved ivory, Assyrian gold, red coral sculptures, as well as Russian malachite mosaics. I’ve since added my own valuables to his collection.

"My friend Karl gave it to me as a present." I mentioned as I let her examine it. Tough yet supple at the same time, this piece of leather had the colorful imprint of a viper.

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