Chapter 1 | Remembering

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"too weak to speak; let's talk in a week

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"too weak to speak; let's talk in a week."

***

"Wesley. West. He died yesterday."

The words are driving me insane. They're everywhere, too. Behind locker doors, between bathroom stalls, hidden within conversations in the hallway—pretty good at following and reminding. I keep walking with my head high. If I am insane, I might as well not believe any of it. I didn't budge when I heard the news last night, so why should I now? When Ocean ran to hug me this morning, sobbing to the point where she was gasping for air, I stayed still. Each second that passed, she only hugged me tighter. She went home an hour ago.

     I keep my breathing steady while stumbling across the corridor, empty now that the bell's gone off and sea of students rush into their classes. The words are less now. I don't hear it as often anymore. Probably because I'm the only one here, but who cares? I'm alone and I get to be alone. It's just me and my thoughts, my body standing absolutely still, my eyes scanning the view. Emptiness. For a second, I'm lost in the midst of the moment, but as much as I'm enjoying it, I quickly recover. There is this somewhat awful, tight feeling in my chest as I caught a sight of his locker. The flowers at the bottom on it looks brand new; they're probably from the school's yard. I want to tell him all about this as soon as I see him, and he tells me that this is all a prank. A sick one, sure. But, a prank is a prank.

     I am lying to myself and I don't know how to stop.

***

Two doors

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Two doors. I'm only two doors away from my next class.

     I don't think twice before taking my time.

     Everything around me is quite as I walk in. English. Mrs. Bayne, usually fierce and screaming at the top of her lungs about an overrated movie that everyone nobody truly likes but watches for the sake of it, stands still and catches my eye. She looks at me like I'm the most fragile thing on earth right now. Everyone is. I hate this. No doubt. I keep a straight expression as I walk along the class.

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