Hard To Love, How To Love

I'm Sorry

"Hyunseung" She blurted and tugged lightly on my shirt.

"I told you, I'll be home later. Don't wait up okay?" I reasoned again and pushed her aside.

"Will you walk me home today?" She asked with her eyes sparkling.

"I can't. Just get a cab or something. Arasseo?" I replied and she nodded.

"I love you." She muttered and smiled lightly. 

"Yeah bye." I replied and opened the door. 

The cold wind was welcoming as it hit my cheeks. It was going to be winter soon when I realized it. Just then, a ring came from my pocket as I opened it.

"Hyung where are you?" The youngest was heard in the background.

*they're already drunk* I thought.

"Yah Hyunseung-yah where are you?" Junhyung said to me.

"I'm on my way wait for me." I replied and hang up.

When I was about to return it in my pocket, someone called. It was her. I sighed heavily and turned it off as I walked.

I arrived infront of the bar after a few minutes and saw Gikwang waiting for me outside. I waved him hello and he was delighted. We both entered inside and right away I smelled the scent of alcohol.

"Hyung!" Dongwoon greeted along with the others.

I sat with them and Junhyung handed me a shot glass "Thanks" I said and sipped it.

Doojoon turned to me with a straight face but looked away.

"Hyunseung, what did she say?" he asked me.

"nothing." I simply said and drank another. I eyed him badly and he just looked away fixing his shirt.

We chatted for a few hours and laughed. Dongwoon was drunk and so was Yoseob. I, too, had too many drinks and began to talk gibberish. Junhyung was still very quiet as usual, drinking silently.

"Aren't you going home yet Hyunseung?" Doojoon said to me and in an instant, I remembered her.

"Mind your own business" I said.

My blood boiled at the fact that he was always looking into my business and everything I do. I couldn't understand what he was trying to prove to me by the way he acts.

"Hey guys, I need to go. Who needs a ride?" Junhyung asked looking at his watch.

4 hands raised and I knew I was already alone. I sighed and stood up. I bid them goodbye and crossed my arms to prevent heat from escaping.

I looked over at my watch and it was already 3 AM. She probably went home and is already asleep. I opened my phone and saw her missed calls and texts.

"Oppa, am I really going home alone? be careful there."

"We have classes tomorrow don't forget."

"Oppa, I'll be bringing some medicines if you need them tomorrow."

"I love you."

I shrugged my shoulders and inserted my key into the keyhole. The lights went on and I searched the place but it was empty. I entered the kitchen and saw a bowl with a note on it.

"Oppa, I made you soup before I left. enjoy~ <3" it said.

With a straight face, I grabbed the bowl and shoved in inside the fridge without thinking and went straight to bed.

*she even fixed my bed.* I thought before drifting off to sleep.

After a few minutes, my phone rang and my head started to throb.

"Yeoboseyo?" I answered with a hint of annoyance in my voice.

"Oppa, I can't sleep..." She whispered.

"Sleep." I said being irritated.

"But-"

"Sleep."

"Oppa I-"

"I SAID SLEEP ALREADY! MY HEAD IS THROBBING AND I WANT TO SLEEP!" I said angrily and hang up.

I removed the battery and threw it against the wall before going back to sleep.

-The Next Day-

Dragging my bag along, I sat in class lazily with my head hurting so bad. I looked around and saw her seat was empty. I secretly looked at my watch only to see that she was already late.

"She isn't late. She's always early. Where could she be?" I muttered under my breath.

I stood up but Junhyung grabbed my wrist. "Where do you think you're going?" He said.

"I'll skip. I need to do something." I replied and grabbed my bag before going out.

I walked fast until I was near her house. I realized I haven't gone here for awhile and I also remembered that I haven't gone out on a date with her for a long time too. I was startled when I felt raindrops on my shoulder. it was going to rain soon. The clouds were as gray and sad now. almost meloncholy...

I stopped on my tracks when I heard a familiar voice with the combination of sniffing and slight squeaks. I peeked into the playground and I saw her with her head down while swaying herself.

I approached her slowly and felt my footsteps getting heavier. I stood infront of her and patted her head.

"Hey." I whispered.

Expecting a hug, I opened my arms widely but she pushed me away. She TRIED to push me away. She stood up and looked at me with her swollen eyes.

"Oppa, do you know what day is today?" She asked me and I wondered.

"What are we even doing?" She was getting teary.

"I'm sorry..." I replied softly and tried to get her hand.

We were in that situation so suddenly and my heart was hurting... In a blink of an eye, everything changed. That smile I loved to see was gone and that laughter my ears were searching for were no longer heard.

I wiped her tears away with my thumb and smiled softly.

"I-"

"Stop." She said and took my hand away. 

Her hand felt so soft hours ago but now it was cold as ice. My mouth tasted bitter and my head was hurting. The rain poured harder on me soaking my clothes but I didn't care.

 "Let's just stop this. Oppa, I was thinking alot last night... That's why I called you but then I heard your answer so right then, I knew what to do." She said and smiled so fakingly while tears escaped her eyes.

"Why?" I asked her and rested my hands on her shoulder.

"Oppa, My heart has been hurting lately..." She pointed out and stepped away avoiding my touch.

"I don't want us.... to stay this way any longer..." She added and walked away from me, still crying.