Hard To Love, How To Love

Will You Be Alright?

"I don't want us.... to stay this way any longer..." She added and walked away from me, still crying.

 --

I went home but I really haven't been able to sleep. Time seemed too slow for me and all I did was think of her and regret of all the things I have done... I close my eyes and the pain overcomes me and unknowngly, tears escape my eyes. 

It was already 4 AM and I still couldn't sleep. I wanted to call her and start over but... I can't help but think that I don't deserve her...

I went to the playground and just stood there, frozen at the things that just happened. Memories came rushing in and my breathing hitched. My heart is hurting so much I would like to throw it out...

I sat down on the swing and wondered if this is how things were meant to be. Has she thought about this for a long time? I am really sorry for the things I have done.I shouldn't have saved up the "I love you" and said it more to her when I had the chance.

"I..." I muttered and stood up.

"Where are you? Oppa is looking for you" I said loudly as I put down my bag. "Here~" She replied cheekily.

I followed her voice and saw her reaching something on the upper cabinets. Smirking, I went behind her and reached it for her.

"here, let oppa get it." I said and handed her the pack of sugar. "Gomawo oppa." She replied and pecked my cheeks.

She moved away and started chopping something. I peeked behind her but she cutely pushed me  away. "Aniyo oppa, go away~" She shooed and I smiled at her.

"Just...just let oppa help you chop. I know chopping is your weakness." I replied and grabbed her hands from behind supporting her.

I was hiding my smile as I helped her chop. Her hair was intoxicating and I love it. I love her so much. I don't know what I'll do without her.

"Chopping's done~ go away now oppa!" She said and giggled. I hugged her from behind and smiled.

"Arasseo, be careful." I said and went out the kitchen.

I picked up my guitar and started playing random songs until I saw her sit down beside me. "Wae? Are you alright?" I asked worriedly.

"Aniyo oppa, I just got lonely." She replied and rested her head on my shoulder. "Did you finish that "thing" you were doing there?" I joked.

"Aniyo, it got burnt." She replied and furrowed her eyebrows. "it's okay it's okay. just stay here with me." I calmed and patted her head.

I walked away from the playground and let my feet drag me away. Suddenly, I became worried for her. I became worried whether she is still crying or hurting over me... I don't want her hurting. I don't want her crying.

"Will she really be alright??" I muttered as I stood infront of her house. She's in there, alone. I walked until her door but I couldn't bring myself to knock. I want her back. I want to tell her that I love her and see her smile again.

What am I supposed to do now? I don't know now.

I saw her open the door and sit down by the stairs and I couldn't help but to feel useless... She was crying. I want to hug her so bad and tell her everything's going to be alright but it's not... everything is broken into pieces and we're both hurting...

I want her to stay with me... Right now, I am regretting alot. She looked up and saw me. She bit her lip as I stood frozen not saying a word.

My feet dragged me towards her and she just looked at me with her tears falling down her cheeks. I kneeled infront of her and hugged her tightly.

We kept quiet and I felt atleast happy that I am with her. even if it hurts, I am happy this way. She cried hard on my chest and I just patted her head.

"C-can we start over?" I whispered.

"YAH! HYUNSEUNG!" Someone shouted and I suddenly snap out of my thoughts. I turned my head and saw Junhyung a few steps from me. I shrugged my shoulders and shoved my hands inside my pocket as I went to him.

"What are you doing here infront of her house?" he asked curiously.

My heart started to hurt again and the lump in my throat started and I just looked away. "Nothing." I said.

"Hyunseung. I hope you can be a man and tell me." Junhyung replied . My eyes betrayed me and I started sobbing weakly.

"She... she.... she let me go..." I muttered and tears fell uncontrollably. I tried to wipe them away but they insisted.

"I was a dickhead Junhyung.... I took her for granted...." I added .

"Do you still love her?" He asked. "yes. yes I do. but I can't get her back because I know I don't deserve her anymore..." I answered.