White Noise (The Inadequate Experiments 1)

7. Direct the Other Way

Sera

I laid the cold compress across my mother's forehead softly and brushed her hair out of her face. Her skin was pale enough that I could see most of her veins. Dark circles surrounded her eyes. Her mousy brown hair was knotted against the pillow. I touched her cheek and sighed. "The fever's gotten worse." I sighed, shaking my head.

She gave me a small smile. "The fever never really goes. It's getting to be my constant state of being at the moment, feverish is."

I sat carefully on the edge of her bed. "I wish the Scientists would do more for you. I mean, surely they could find something to get rid of this god awful disease."

"If I never got this 'god awful disease', Sera, I would never have gotten you, either." She pointed out.

"You'd have the twins." I told her. "And Thomas. We all know I was just... Collateral damage, I guess."

She swatted my arm weakly. "Don't say that, love. You're just as important as anyone. The twins would be lost without a big sister like you – Shaunee especially! And could you imagine Thomas being able to put up with them by himself? Gosh, what a disaster that would be! We need you, Sera, whether you realise it or not."

"I know, I know," I sighed, "it's just, sometimes I wish I wasn't so... That I was just normal, you know? Ever since I was little I knew in a way that you being sick was my fault. And I would always wish for a—"

"A father?" She asked.

I looked away.

"Thomas told me about what you said at the hospital. How you were surprised he was there because you thought I was more important. Because you're not his daughter. But, Sera," she took my hand in her clammy grip, "Thomas has always been your father. Biological relation or not, he always will be. Just like you'll always be his daughter."

I gave her a small nod then sighed. "What would I do without you, mum?"

She laughed, but soon turned serious again. "You may have to figure that out quite soon, love, you know I'm not gonna be here forever."

I snatched my hand out of hers. "Don't talk like that." I snapped. "You could still have a long time, don't go giving up now."

She sighed. "We don't know that, Sera."

I trained my eyes on the grey carpet at my feet. I wouldn't acknowledge the fact that I would soon have to live without my mother. The stuffy room quickly became dense with a tension that neither of us wanted to discuss.

Then my mother took my hand again. "How was work on Monday? Thomas said you haven't done a shift since – is everything all right? Did something happen? Surely you didn't have a four day gap on the roster."

That depends on your definition of 'something'. "No, no, nothing major." I insisted. "One of the coffee machines blew steam in my face, so I needed to rest for a while until I could breathe normally again. Tia tried to cover for me, but the boss found out anyway and said it might be best for me to have the rest of the week off."

"We told you that you should wait it out a but before heading back to work!" She sighed. "You don't have long before you head back to school either, and you'll want to be better before then." She reminded me.

"It's fine, mum, I promise. There wouldn't even have been an issue if I hadn't been near the coffee machine at the time. I worked at the pastry counter for the rest of the day and..." I trailed off, my thoughts spinning back to Oliver and his ridiculous idea. I cursed him for introducing me to his sister – there was no way I could back out after that. I knew that I should tell mum, or at least the twins, but I had no idea how to start the conversation.