Exposed (#wattys2016)

chapter twenty

After looking at Caspian for a few minutes, he got closer to me again. His fingers were locked in his hair, almost tugging it out of his head. I bit back my lip, anxious of what he was going to say.

I felt my stomach drop as I backed up slightly, only to have him come closer. He let go of his hair, his hand now wrapping around the back of his neck.

"You know why people aren't comin' after me? I'm my dad's son. His whole cult respects him, and they respect me. He told them that before he left for jail the other week. He said, 'If you don't respect my son, you're getting jack shit in return from me, and I will end your lives.' You know what that tells me? He's an alcoholic who doesn't care about anything but himself. The only reason he said that was to make sure his stupid followers would still be there when he returned. I know my father."

Caspian's eyes were starting to get glossy, and I could hear the lump forming in his throat. His face was inches from mine, but I kept my eyes planted on the ground.

"They're only after you, Hale, and that makes me feel sick and like a horrible fucking person. I didn't want any of this to happen. I was in that bar, having drinks with the people who wanted to kill me a week ago."

Caspian wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, stepping away from me slowly, trying to act as if he wasn't going to start crying.

The amount of regret filling my stomach was almost overwhelming — I thought I was going to either throw up or pass out. I sat down on the curb again, my elbows digging into my knees as I held my head in my hands. Liv sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my back.

"Don't be upset," she mumbled. It was too late, but I appreciated her trying.

Caspian went back into the bar, and I heard him slam the door shut.

"I feel so bad, I didn't know any of this until now," I dug my fingernails into my hair and scalp.

"If it makes you feel better, I didn't know my brother was gay for 17 years," Liv chuckled and soothingly ran her hand along my spine which caused me to shiver.

"He'll forgive you," she said softly, "just wait."

"Yeah right," I mumbled.

"He will, Hale. You know how much you mean to him?"

I shook my head and ran my hands along my face, looking up at the darkness forming around me while the sun set.

"I've never seen him act so protective, so infatuated, so happy with one person. If I had to put money on it, I'd say he truly loves you."

I thought about that for a while, trying to talk myself out of my feelings. It wasn't happening.

The next day, I woke up missing him. I turned around in bed and repeatedly smacked my palms against my head.

"Get out," I angrily mumbled in a quiet tone. "You're not good for me."

Oh, but I definitely knew he was. I knew our secret should have never been exposed.

Lilly watched me from the other side of the room, sitting upright in the bed that was pressed against the wall. Some of the paint was chipped and missing on that side of the room.

"Are you okay?" She innocently spoke.

"I'm fine, Lils," I answered without looking at her. "Just trying to forget about someone." I finally glanced over at the small, petite girl sitting up ever so delicately on the blankets of the bed, facing me with her back against the wall.

She cocked her head in confusion. "I don't think that's the best way."

I rolled onto my stomach and buried my head in the pillow, bringing the covers over my head. I heard Lilly's small feet hit the ground and run out of the room. A few seconds later, I heard Levi's voice distant in the hallway.

"What do you mean he was hitting himself? Is he okay?" The voice got closer until I felt him sit on the end of my bed. "Yo, what's wrong with you?"

I rolled onto my back and looked up at him, shrugging unknowingly. "I don't know, what is wrong with me? Do you know what even fucking happened in the last week? Would you be okay?"

Levi stared at me with wide eyes, taking a long breath in, "Uh, well, you weren't trying to harm yourself, right?" He scratched his head in confusion.

"No, what the hell," I exclaimed, burying my head in the pillow again. My voice was muffled, "Go away, alright?"

Levi left as per my request. I felt secluded, alone, and dark. My eyes started watering, which caught me by surprise as I began quietly sobbing. I was alone, just me.

Like Caspian said, the world is after me, but he's safe. Because of his dad. He's okay. My dad's gone now. I'm not okay.

Shut up, I thought.

I started crying harder, the blankets over my head. I was losing realization of where I was and the only thing I felt was my cold, wet pillow and my tear stained cheeks. It seemed as though the room was warping into a black hole, leaving me alone in a plain white abyss. I felt myself fading into my bed, as if it were a light cloud. Soon, my thoughts were idle for once and I felt content.

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Thanks for reading! I know this is short, but I'm losing some time because of classes. Comments and votes are appreciated! I didn't edit this too well, because of what i mentioned above and because i've been using the app on my phone lately, so if you're reading this on a computer or something and it looks kind of awkward space-wise, that's why.