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× no smutt | no kink (obvi :8) ×
Part: 1 of 1
Word count: 1120

×

Autumn leaves fall.

Dry harsh air whips at my face. It won't be long for the bus to arrive. My Memories haunt me. Dispair traps me. I have nowhere to go, no one to go to. There is nothing left for me in this world. Nothing except music. And coffee.

It's never been my preference to hurry. I'm a rather slow person, but my mind is a constant buzz of thoughts and different ideas. A new school year. And the flu to kick it off to a great start.

Science classes are boring. The room is boring. The prof is boring. The students are boring. Except him. Jimin. At the front. Second row, one seats away from the window. He is very smart.

But a rebel. In his own way. He dyes his hair orange. Bright orange. More orange than the horrible lab gloves we wear.

A project with partners. Me and Jimin. We go to his house, which is huge. With three car garages. And a tennis court. And a fish tank. Five feet long.

We get full marks for the project. And Memories start to fade.

Winter snow falls ✝

My family lives close to me. I visit them for Christmas. My sister is happy to see me. Mother thinks I don't eat enough. Father thinks I don't study enough. My younger cousin thinks I am amazing. He's in elementary school. That's why.

It's cold. I wear a coat every day but I still feel frozen. People ice skate on the frozen pond. Especially children, wrapped in mittens and scarfs.

I see Jimin drinking coffee on a bench. I set next to him. He's quiet. Maybe he's cold. Or tired. Or lonely. Or maybe all three. Just like me. I don't know.

We don't speak. He smiles at me. So I smile back. And so we understand each other.

It takes time.

Spring flowers.

Winter break is over too soon. I lose my sleep and play games until 3 am. I know its not good for me but I like it. I don't feel pain.

Classes are boring. I only like the music class. I can explain myself in music and not in words. Music helps me.

I can sleep better now. My Memories aren't as deep. Jimin helps.

Summer heats.

Jimin goes away in June. He comes back two weeks later and shows me pictures. He went to Tokyo. I can tell he had a great time.

I don't understand my feelings. Jimin makes me fell complete. He helps me without knowing. I like that.

It's raining. He tells me that his car broke down and asked for a lift. I say yes. I drive him in the rain. He tells me things aren't well with his family. He asks me if he can do something. I say yes.

He kisses me.

I like it.

And I don't know why.

Jimin avoids me today. I tell him that I'm not mad at him. He's happy now. He asks me to go out with him.

I say yes.

I think he likes me. A lot.

Leaves fall. Battles are lost.

Jimin doesn't speak to me today. I'm remembering my Memories more now. I get scared more. My nightmares come back. I don't know why.

Jimin breaks up with me. He says he's not ready. I don't understand. I cut myself with the kitchen knife in the bathroom. It only hurts a little. I have so much blood. Thick and red. Very red.

I don't know what to say to him anymore. He called it a Small summer thing. Maybe he called it a fling, I maybe didn't hear him right.

He doesn't like me. I still like him. I haven't told my parents. I can't. I am too scared.

Jimin tells me he is sorry. I don't think he is. But I pretend I believe him.
I'm hurting all over. Especially my arm.

Cold eternity.

Lonely. I don't feel as complete as I did when I was with Jimin. I feel myself sinking. Winter is too long for my liking. I don't like cold. But I am cold.

Inside and outside. I'm cold. Blue fingernails in the morning and blue lips in the afternoon. Frost coats the windows. Frost coats my heart. Frost kills plants. Frost kills me. Icicles stab me in my sleep.

The kitchen knife is my friend.

Red always soaks a white shirt.

I need Jimin. To stop me from falling.

Night. Falling.

White walls. White sheets. White people. Noses and cheeks red from the cold. A hospital.

A man in white. White coat. Grey hair. Grey eyes. A doctor.

And Jimin. He stands over me. I see his hand shaking. I don't know why. Maybe he's cold. Or nervous. Or both. I want to know.

He makes me happy. I'm glad to see him.

He asks me how I feel. I can't answer him. I don't know why. Tears plop onto my cheeks as he cries. Right in front of me. I don't understand why he cries. I blink at him trying to understand. Maybe I'm not smart enough.

Or maybe my heart is still frozen.

The doctor leaves.

Jimin sits down next to me. He sighs. I start to cry too. I really don't know why.

Jimin caresses my cheeks with his thumbs. He's warm.

He kisses me. Soft. And warm. I like it.

×

Jimin's warm hands chip away at Yoongi's frozen heart. The way it did with the Memories. And the sadness and the pain. Jimin was healing Yoongi without knowing it. All the emotions bottled up inside him were bursting to fall out. Jimin does his best without knowing. Of course, under the cold exterior, Yoongi trembles with a new feeling, one he has never felt before. Anticipation, perhaps? Yoongi can barely understand the many thoughts darting through his mind as Jimin's tender lips nip at his own, the feelings and emotions coming into action in the universal symbol of sadness: a tear.

Nobody had ever given Yoongi time. Time to explain. Time to get used to. Time to understand. Time to let everything out. And then here was Jimin. As if he were an angel, he came just at the right time, just as Yoongi was at his breaking point, just as he was going to give up completely. So Yoongi thanks him, internally, of course. He couldn't speak. And he likes the way Jimin makes him feel like a person, not a waste of space, but a real beautiful picture. Not a failure, but a success.

So a thousand words are spoken through Jimin's kisses. And the most frequent are...

i love you

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