Taking Command Book 1 (Kylux) (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Fifty Four: Nightmares

Kylo PoV

I watched Hux carefully as we boarded the ship to head back. The mission had been a failure, and even worse, I felt as if though I had done more harm and good for our relationship. Hux seemed horribly shaken, and so was I.

I was glad he had not asked what I had seen. I had seen too much. I had seen visions of my failure, visions of my master rejecting me, and visions of Hux betraying me and leaving me for dead. I had seen everything I knew and loved die in those visions.

As we stripped in the hold to our undergarments, we were both silent. I could tell Hux was thinking. I could sense the unasked question hovering over us.

"What did you see, Kylo?" He asked me when he was done changing into dry clothes.

"I..." I trailed off, not wanting to confess my plethora of fears. "I saw visions of failure," I said. It was true. All of my visions were results of failure, but by just saying failure, I could act more nonchalant and relaxed.

"Failure. That seems a bit high minded for you. I thought it would be something like not getting a voice as deep as Vader's." He grinned, showing me he was only in jest.

"I have a helmet for a reason," I retorted playfully," don't mock it."

"If you say so, Lord Ren." He elbowed me teasingly and pecked me on the cheek. "I'll get the ship started."

"Warn me when we hit hyperspace!" I yelled up to him as I slipped on a clean pair of pants and a cloak.

"Will do," he replied faintly.

After I was dressed, I walked into the cabin and sat down on a bed. I had a bit to think about. Why had Hux dreamed of his father in his vision? As far as I knew, Hux and his father were on good rapport.

It was none of my business to ask, however. He had asked me, yes, but I had no right to press him for his inter family relationships. He knew what my fears were, and I his. All we could do now was try to improve things about ourselves.

I walked up to the cockpit as Hux was just readying the ship for the jump to light speed. He did not look upset, but I knew that Hux was good at disguising his emotions.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry for going into those accursed caves." I put a hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head. "I'm fine, Ren. Honestly. Yes, I saw some unpleasant things, but I knew it was an illusion. It was an important exercise. Knowing your fear is akin to knowing your weakness. Your weakness is what your enemies will endeavor to play against you. We need to know." He smiled comfortingly at me. "Do you want to talk about what we saw? Is that why you are bringing it up?"

I hesitated. Of course Hux had figured that out. He was very intelligent and astute of his social surroundings.

"Yes, a bit. I saw some horrible things. I feel like they are all going to happen. I'm terrified of it honestly. These occurrences run rampant in my nightmares." I clenched my fists. I was shaking. Even recollections triggered a reaction within me. "I see you dying. Because I failed to save you. I see the First Order and all of my goals plummetting. I see Snoke rejecting me as his pupil. I feel as if though I am trapped. Why would I have these fears if they are not rational? Should I be scared?" I was giving vent to my growing panic.

"I think that those caves tapped into out paranoias and prejudices and fears and warped them. You know I would never harm or turn on you," Hux sighed as we made the jump. "We cannot let these visions cloud our minds. You won't kill me, I won't kill you, and I doubt my father or Snoke will be after us any time soon ."

"Snoke could be ready to attack us anytime. He could be planning on ambushing us, for all we know." I felt my nerves becoming more and more frayed.

"Stop. You're panicking. I'm no mental wizard like you but I can tell you're terrified. You don't want a repeat of Tatooine, another reason to embarrass you." Hux held me close. "Have faith in yourself. What do you say? 'Use the Force'?"

"Basically," I murmured into his coat as I clung to him. I never wanted to lose him.

"Then may the Force be with us," Hux held me as we sped away from a planet too full of memories and nightmares.