Dare Me to Live

Chapter 12 (Part one)

Amber continued to refuse involving the police no matter how many approaches I tried to take to convince her. Outwardly, she seemed fine; she went to class, dressed the same, kept to her regular schedule and occasionally made off-hand bitchy remarks, though they were noticeably less pointed. She even offered me some of the brownies her mom had mailed to her.

But I watched with cautious eyes, afraid that her façade was just that, and that sooner or later it would crumble. I didn't know much about the aftermath of sexual assault other than what I had half-listened to in high school health class. The only thing I did know was that as much as I wanted to report the incident, I was bound in silence if Amber did not want to.

Tyler had chased the guy half-way across campus before losing him and returning breathless, sweaty, and apologetic. Amber had thanked him for helping and quietly asked him not to say anything as he was on his way out. After he had left, I asked if she needed anything else. She had just shaken her head in a resigned sort of way and went to shower before bed. But I heard her check the lock on the door three times that night.

When I recounted the attack to Vanessa the following Wednesday afternoon, she backed Amber's decision, much to my dismay.

"How can you say that?" I exclaimed, taking the mug of tea she offered me and folding my legs beneath me on her faded blue couch.

"From what you told me, her past experience has taught her that even if she does report it, he will still get away with it. She probably doesn't want to have to go through all of the legal stuff only to be hurt and disappointed again," said Vanessa, sitting down next to me with her own mug in hand.

She was dressed in worn-through sweats, hair up in a messy bun, and her nose was dry and red from the cold she was trying to beat. But like the good friend she was, she had let me in and offered to make me tea after I nearly beat down her apartment door.

"But this time could be different. And it could help other people he has or might hurt," I argued. I took a sip of tea infused with exotic herbs and berries. It was supposed to be relaxing, but I was too agitated to for it to soothe any of my nerves.

"I'm not necessarily saying I agree with her decision, but that's just it. It's her decision. She may just need time to process it and then maybe she'll report it. Or maybe she won't. But, think about if it was you, how hard it must be to point that finger at someone and wonder if they'll call you a liar. And no matter how hard police try to keep it confidential, things like that always have a way of getting out. I'm sure after the spotlight in high school she doesn't want that again," said Vanessa.

 She plucked a tissue from the box in her lap and dabbed at her running nose.

When I opened my mouth to argue again, she cut me off gently. "Dash, you stopped a terrible thing from happening, but it's no longer your call. The best thing you can do it support her in whatever she decides to do, and make sure she doesn't blame herself."

I looked down at my drink; it was a dark purple laced with white spirals of steam. "I guess you're right." The scene from that night replayed yet again in my mind, and a hand went to my right side where a bruise as dark as my tea lay hidden under my shirt from being elbowed off the bed.

It was hard not to get angry, to wish I had at least gotten to inflict more damage on the guy. I flexed my fingers around my mug, remembering the feeling of locking them together so I could yank him backwards by his throat, the brief period of sickening weightlessness as we fell backwards off the bed. My heart picked up its pace at the memory and I took another sip of tea to calm it; I didn't like the withdrawal that came with the aftermath of adrenaline.

There was nothing I could do about that night now anyway. It had happened.

"I don't know if she'd be up for it, but Kevin's having a party next weekend, a smaller one. Why don't you invite her? That way at least she has a couple of people looking out for her," suggested Vanessa.