Desolation // l.p.

Chapter XXVI

I hear something fall and sit up quickly. Frantically I search for my lamp n my nightstand but I can't seem to find it. Suddenly the light flicks on, hurting my eyes as I cover them, wiping away the sleep.

"I didn't mean to wake you." A voice says from beside the bed. Liam is sitting in a chair that was pulled over from the wall. He turned on the light I failed to find that is sitting next to hom. His legs are crossed as he sits there with a glass of water in his hand. It takes me a few more seconds to realize where I am. In his apartment. In his bed. I don't remember when I fell asleep, nor do I remember him being here when it happened.

"I can't believe I fell asleep... I'm so sorry." I apologize, embarrassed by my actions and the fact that I'm still in his bed I move to get out from under the covers that I entangled myself into when I fell into my unexpected sleep.

"No you're okay." He assures me bringing his glass to his lips. I stop trying to get out from the grey sheets wrapped around my legs, labelling it as pointless. He doesn"t seem to mind that I'm in his bed so why bother trying to get out.

"What time is it?" I mutter, looking around the room for a clock or my cellphone but fail to find either.

"Just after midnight I believe." he says as he leans over to pick something up from the floor. When he sits up again I see that it is his phone. It must have been what fell and woke me only moments ago. He hits a button and it lights up. "Yeah, just after twelve." he confirms his assumption. A moment passes by of silence as neither of us know what to say.

"What time did you get back?" I ask to try and find out how long I was asleep while he was here.

"Around eight o'clock." He says dryly as he sits his now empty glass on the nightstand next to him. My eyes widen as I think about how long I was out, and he was here. What was he doing the whole time? I shudder to think he's been sitting there in that chair for the past four hours.

"I had no idea, you could have woken me up." I tell him shyly.

"That's okay, you look just as beautiful when you sleep as you are when you are awake." My eyes go wide at his straightforward comment, also the fact that he had been watching me. And from the sound of it it's been a while. I can only imagine how flushed I must look. I'm not sure if I should be flattered by his comment, or a little creeped out.

"I guess I should leave." I mutter quietly after we sit in silence again. I'm positive that if I sit here any longer than I already have I may combust.

"If you'd like to. I won't keep you here." He shrugs and stands up walking towards the bathroom. I watch his figure disappear as he closes the door, my heart sinking from his inconsiderate comment.

I had the idea that he wanted to keep me here and now he is saying he doesn't care if I leave? I thought when he said we weren't finished earlier-

I thought. That's my problem.

I thought.

I stayed here when he left me abruptly, thinking that he would have wanted me to be here when he got back. Or maybe I stayed because I had hoped he wanted me here. Whatever the reason it was wrong. And if he is going to be nonchalant and careless about me being here I don't think I want to be here.

I push his sheets off of my legs ferociously, aggravated that they are so entangled with my legs. After fighting the bedspread I stand up and go to find my shoes. They should be in the lounge, if not then I'm leaving here barefoot.

Finding my shoes and my phone together in the lounge I slide them on and make my escape to the elevator. If he wants to be a dismissing asshole then fine. I can play this game too.

I won't say goodbye. I won't do anything for him. Not anymore. I'm sick of playing games with him.

One day he is nice, the next he isn't. One day he is all over me and then a month later he is again. He has complete control over our relationships. Professional and personal and now I think it's my turn to take control.

It's my turn to be the one to put their foot down and end this. It's time that I do what I should have done a month ago.

I hit the elevator button and wait as patiently I can. I hear the bathroom door open in his bedroom. I acknowledge the fact that I don't hear footsteps or a call of my name. No sign of him trying to get me to stay or ask me to be with him for the night.

•••

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Genevieve asks as I struggle to hold the phone to my ear and type the e-mail at the same time.

"Yes. I've lost control of my life and I need to get it back." I tell her as I write 'Yours Truly, Sarah' at the bottom of it.

"I know but isn't quitting a bit too much?" She comments, "I thought your boss and you had a good relationship? What happened?".

"My boss doesn't know what he wants and I'm not waiting for him to figure it out." I say as my eyes scan over the new resignation I am typing up. I'm e-mailing Mr. Payne this time, that way he won't try and convince me of some reason to not quit. He's proven to be good at making me change my mind or think a certain way.

"In his defense you don't know what you want either." She states flatly. I can hear in the tone of her voice that she thinks I am making a mistake.

"Are you trying to talk me out of this?" I accuse as my mouse hovers over the send button. I want to hit it. To send the message into space and that be the end of things. I wouldn't have to say goodbye or face Liam ever again. All I have to do is hit send.

"I just think you are being a little dramatic Sarah." She complains in defense but sighs. "I have to go but I'll call you later. You'll have to let me know what you decide on."

"Okay." I agree and tell her goodbye, hanging up the phone and sitting it next to my laptop on the desk. I stare at my computer screen for a few minutes, biting my lip and hesitating to figure out if this is what I really want. I glance to the clock and see that it is already ten o'clock. I'm three hours late and didn't tell Mr. Payne I wouldn't be coming in.

Right now to him, I'm just not there. I'm not the woman who is at home debating to quit her job. I'm just. . . missing.

I click to a different tab opened up on the internet and look at the application I began filling out this morning when I got home around one. It's for a publishing job at Ryan & Dunning. It's another publishing company that I considered working for before Payne Industries. Luckily, in my time of need they are hiring a new publisher and I intend to get the job. Just as long as I quit the one I have now.

The thought of having a new boss and genuine coworkers excites me. Being surrounded by people who actually care about me and appreciate the work that I do... I want a freedom that I fear I lost somewhere along the line of my current job and I'm convinced that the only way to get it back is by leaving. That's what I need to do.

I hit the send button and lean back in my chair. I can't believe I did it. It's over. 

It's all over.