The Black Girl

sixty eight

The stares I earn in the hallways, make me want to turn into a biscuit and have someone step on me.

Weird description of wanting to disappear but that's how I felt at the time.

Some people laugh, some people look at me with pitiful eyes, while some stare at me with judgemental looks, like I was the piece of gum that won't come off the button of their shoes.

During lunch, I take a bite from a slice of pizza and then throw up everything I'd eaten in the last twenty hours into the toilet in the last bathroom stall.

I go to the nurse's office, and see Lane and Laura walking down the hallway, his arm slung across her neck and shoulder.

They're back to their everyday routine.

Stay in the lunch hall longer than everyone else. Check.

Make out like it's the last day of their lives. Check.

Lane buys Laura a cookie, that she eats as they walk back to class. Check.

"Are you okay Lola?" Nurse Monica looks concerned.

She probably saw the video. And the website. She probably knows what happened to me, and she probably is judging me for being dumb enough to fall into that kind of situation.

My heart hurts and I feel like dying. Maybe joining Gabi in the after life? I go back to the toilet and sit on it for a long time to try to cry.

But there's no water left.

So I just sit on the toilet having a deep think about how I hate everyone and everything, but myself especially.

A few thirty minutes later, two girls walk in talking about a girl named Lola.

"I still can't believe she had the balls to show up here." Abbie says, and I wonder how the teacher let them come to the bathroom at the same time.

It is the last day of school after all.

"She's pretty stubborn, trying to prove some dumbass point." Laura says and I hear the tap turn on.

"She's pathetic." Abbie laughs as if she feels sorry for me.

"She thinks cause she looks like burnt toast, she can just sashay around here like she owns the school."

Damnnnn, my conscious says and laughs at her comment.

I contemplate calling her things worse, and night rider even crosses my mind but I just scold myself for having the racist thought.

They leave before I can decide if I want to go and confront them or not.

Night-Rider /n/ noun : A white woman who chooses to only, or most often, sleep with the blackest of men. Hence the term, "Night Rider". Some people view it as a negative trait, for instance The Kardashians are good examples.