Where can I go? I don't have a place to live anymore. Not that I didn't enjoy living there. I loved living there as short as I had. I guess I just couldn't stay in a place where I wasn't the only man in the bed.
I hope Ash and Ryan get some sort of STD from fucking each other. I can't forgive her. Or Ryan. And that is really what I need to try to do. Forget about it. She really hurt me. Here I am believing that she was actually loyal towards me. Where am I even driving? I tend to do this whenever I'm upset.
In this case why am I even upset? I didn't technically do anything. Did I? Yes the fuck you did. You were never there for her and obviously, she got sick and tired of you, like everybody else you know. I'm sitting here arguing with my own head. I'm basically a slave to these voices.
I believe everything they say. Every little thing they tell me I own up to. Who knew that I couldn't even fight my mind? I can't even stick up for myself in my own God damn head! Man I really am crazy.
I can't tell where I am. Outside, it looks like rain. A lot of rain. Just rain pounding on the hood of my car. I'm scared that I'm going to crash or something.
I'd die running away again. That's what's up with me. No matter what, I always run away. Instead of being a fucking man and facing my problems, I run. I just fucking run. Try my best to avoid anything about them. Try not to think of them because I'm afraid of them. I'm such a fucking whimp.
I can honestly see why she chose to do what she did. How long has this even been going on? Why wasnt I aware? How come I was so blind and did not see it? I mean, Ryan is probably the pure definition of what every woman wants in a man. Unlike me.
He's very blunt with things. If he didn't like the way you were looking at him, he'd get you to stop. Even if it meant beating the shit out of you until you stop. He's pretty built too. All those hours, those late nights he spent at the gym had finally payed off. He got what he wanted. My girlfriend.
He knew the two of us were together. So why would he even want to do such a thing like that? Well, they do say that things happen for a reason. So maybe, Ash and me splitting up will result in something better for me? I honestly really doubt that right now though.
I sigh and decide to pull into the entrance of an apartment complex. My eyes were blurry from my tears and they were starting to burn. I didn't want to be driving and suddenly crash or drive right into the river. I didn't want to die. Then again. Maybe I did. I just don't know.
I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, which is now damp from my tears. I rub my eyes and look at myself in the mirror of my car. I looked like a mess. My long jet black hair, which used to be the thing people liked about me surprisingly, was all disheveled and frizzy.
It's even starting to turn a light shade of gray. My eyes were practically bloodshot. I had a tear stained face and was about as thin as a twig.
It's almost 3:00 in the morning, so there aren't any nosey neighbors popping their head out of their probably worn down apartment to see what the fuck I am doing parked here. Though, I do recognize the sign. 'The Black apparments. Since 1866' Ricky lives here.
Why, out of all the places that were actually close, in distance, to my house did I choose to drive almost an hour out into the city? He has to live here.
I remember taking him to the desk. He was talking to some dude. Mr. Bruce and his boyfriend, Dennis. Apparently, they are the owners of "The Back"
None of that really matters though. I feel like I'm in one of those movie. You know, the ones where the girl meets a guy at their horrid job, goes through a very sudden heart break, gets all emotional and then runs into the same boy at a much later time in the movie. Way to go Chris, comparing your awful life to some movie scenario that's pretty fucking stupid.
I slap myself on the head in attempts to silence my mind. But it just won't stop going. Bashing me, telling me how worthless I am. How nothing is going to go right for me.
There's nothing you can do to silence me Chris. I mean come on, have some smarts. I'm your mind. I ain't going anywhere as long as you're alive and breathing.
"Sir. Sir are you injured? Is everything okay?" A man asks me. I'm assuming he's the owner, Ben. I nod and run like a fucking idiot into the bathroom. By this time, I don't even remember walking in the main office. I don't even remember anything up until the point where I got out of my car.
Man this is going to be something that I will surely never forget.
