Baby Styles

01.

Breathe Kat, breathe, I kept repeating over and over in my head. I paced back and forth, waiting for the inevitable beep from the timer. There's no way I can be.

And then it came.

I felt like the breath had been knocked from my lungs as I took those five agonizing steps over to the counter. The closer I got, the more my heart started pounding. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the stick and looked down. I felt the color leave my face and my heart dropped. An 8 letter word has never looked so scary. No, it can't be.

I'm pregnant.

I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears. My knees became weak, caving beneath me, and I caught myself on the counter just before hitting the floor. I put my head to my knees right as the first tear fell. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. I had it all planned out: get a job, get married, and then a baby. And now that plan is completely ruined. I'm only 21, and definitely not ready to be a mother. How did I go from having everything perfectly planned out to having absolutely no sense of what direction my life was heading in?

What do I do now? Do I stay and tell him? Or do I leave? If I stay and tell him, he'll lose everything that he worked so hard for. But if I don't tell him, I could ruin the chance of him ever knowing his son or daughter. It takes a while, but I make a decision; I'm leaving. I believe this is best for Harry and his career, along with the safety of my unborn child. I can't stand back and watch him give up his career because we weren't careful. Once I cleared my had and wiped away the tear, I stand up and look at the girl in the mirror. She has red puffy eyes, messy hair, and a bloated stomach. Self-consciously, I wrapped my arms protectively around my stomach. There's no bump yet, but it won't be long before one appears. "I will protect you, little one," I say softly to my belly.

I sigh and turn towards the bedroom. Once I grab my duffel bag and suitcase, I rid the room and closet of all my items. I didn't care that I hadn't folded anything. I just needed to get out. Upon returning to the bathroom, I toss the stick and grab all of my toiletries. They, along with my other small items, were thrown into the duffel. I checked everywhere just to make sure I wasn't leaving anything behind. I hate to be this way, but it has look like I left without leaving a trace. I don't want Harry to get any ideas and try to find me.

I grab the phone and ring the Taxi Company. The car will arrive in ten minutes, they say. This is it, I thought. I grab a pen and notepad.

My Dearest Harry,

I know you will never understand why I'm leaving, but I assure you it's for the best. You will be okay when I'm gone. I have faith in you. I'm doing this because I love you. Something has happened and I can't stay here.

Please remember, don't bottle this up. Talk to the boys, talk to Gemma, talk to your mum. Just turn to someone. Find solace in your music and other simple joys that you love. Stay true to you Harry. DO NOT shut yourself off from the world. Just because I'm gone does not mean the world stops. Your world keeps spinning.

I hope you find someone who will make you happy. I hope you find a girl who will love you and give you all you want.  I can't be that girl anymore. I'm sorry, I have to leave. It pains me to go, but I have to.

Don't worry about me. I will be taken care of and I will be safe. Please don't try to come find me. I won't ever forgive you if you do. Thank you for everything Harry. The last several years have the greatest and happiest of my life and I can never repay you for all the joy you've given me. I will love you forever. Hold that near to your heart always.

With all my love,
Kathryn

I wiped the tears that fell. This is the best for both of us. I lay the note on his bed, our bed, and hear a honk sound out front. I grab my bags and take one final look around, but one thing catches my eye.