An Honest Kiss

Chapter 14

Rachel awoke from her dream not knowing where she was, and unable to breath she rolled out of bed in an attempt to get help.  This attack was nothing like the one she had with Jack, this was like the one she had after he had left her.

She must have made a loud noise as she fell out of bed because suddenly Addie was there calling her name. She could barely hear her over the blood rushing though her ears. Her heart was about to explode out of either her head or her chest she wasn't sure which.

Addie yelled something over her shoulder then went right back to talking to her, trying to calm her. Rachel reached for her hand and clenched it tight as she struggled to breath. She didn't know how long she laid there it felt like ages, but all of the sudden Jack was above her, calling her name. She reached for his shirt wanting to beg him not to leave her, but she couldn't get anything out and it frightened her even more.

Jack picked her up and moved with her through the crowded halls and yard of gaping spectators, Addie hot on his heels. When he got her to the hospital ward he laid her on a gurney and gave her oxygen and a shot of something which made her feel suddenly very tired. The last thing she saw as she closed her eyes was Jack's worried expression as he took her pulse.

When she came to Jack was sitting next to her bed reading a book.

She tried to sit up, but found Jack immediately there pushing her back down.

"I have to get to work."

  "You missed work Ray, you've been asleep for over eight hours."

Rachel rubbed her face. "What time is it?"

"It's about 2 A.M. How do you feel?" He reached over and took her pulse.

"Fine." Rachel groaned as she remembered everyone watching as he carried her. She was so embarrassed. "It's probably best if you tell me who didn't see you carry me in here."

"Well Bowers and Brent are gone so they're at least two that I can name, and Nancy left for vacation as well." he sat on the edge of her bed and looked around. They were sitting at the end of a long ward and there was no one else around to hear them.

"When did these panic attacks start Ray?" It was the same question he had asked the night she had had her last attack.

She ignored the question. Looking everywhere but at him.

"Rachel!" he commanded.

"Fine, the day you left!" she hissed. "The day I realized I was alone, the day I realized that the only person in the world who loved me was dead and gone, and my husband who I thought, while not necessarily loving me, at least had an affection for me decided to leave with no advanced warning, no reason as to why he needed to escape our marriage. I get it Jack, I get that you didn't love me, I was never under the illusion that you did. I knew that you had plenty of romances before me and that there would be plenty after me, but I didn't expect you to leave the day after the funeral."

"You cried the day we got engaged!" he hissed trying to keep his voice down. "I thought you would have been glad to get rid of me."

"Gee Jack, what gave you that idea maybe it was because we never shared a laugh, or a strong friendship, or better yet maybe it was my lack of passion when we made love." Rachel's voice dripped sarcasm. Unable to close the gate that had been opened or the tears that were flowing, she let him have it with both barrels. "I cried because I was in love with you and I... since I was fifteen, I wanted you to notice me. No to fall in love with me.  In my school girl fantasies you always proposed with words of love. It was never a cold agreement brought about by the request of my father." Rachel reached up and wiped the tears away. "When I asked my father why he wouldn't fight it he said that he was ready to go that he missed my mother. I told him that if he left he would be leaving me all alone, and he said that if we got married I would have you, but I didn't Jack.  It was just as I feared. I had no one."