An Honest Kiss

Chapter 16

It was Wednesday evening when Rachel arrived home bone weary. She had been all over town making arrangements for the scavenger hunt, and running all day in the heat and humidity of D.C. had drained her.

Not that she wasn't already drained from worrying about Nancy's comment a few days earlier. How had she known which room was Jack's, and why had she felt comfortable enough to enter it when Ava told her to freshen-up? It was obvious that she knew the room well enough to know which was Jack's stuff and which wasn't? Granted, Rachel wasn't careful about keeping all her personal effects put away, but she had lingered in the room long enough to note it.

The repetition of the same thought over and over again in her head was making her more upset than she had been when she didn't know where Jack had been for the previous five years. She had always guessed that he was off living his life which included a few pretty women, but having a name and a face made it much harder to accept.

Why had he made her feel as if there was hope for them if there wasn't? He had never before been cruel. As she pushed open the door to the kitchen she heard a yelp and was suddenly enveloped in a pair of warm arms. She knew it was Addie from the laugh and when she looked over her shoulder she saw Paul grinning.

"Finally, we've been here by ourselves for over an hour and it's been every awkward and weird." Addie gave her a squeeze, and Rachel immediately felt her spirits rise. Addie stepped back and looked at her pale face. "It looks as if we got here just in time too."

"That you have," Rachel said as she left Addie's embrace and moved into Paul's. He also gave her a tight squeeze before setting her away from him and looking at her closely.

"When we arrived Jack gave us a key, put us in a Taxi and sent us here. He said that he had to visit a friend and that he would meet us back here when he was done. Do you know where he went?" Addie asked.

"I can't say for sure, but Nancy's in town," Rachel said as she walked away from them putting her purse on the counter. It allowed her to face away from them and gain her composure. Had his first stop been to see Nancy?

There was a tense silence as they all thought it.

After a few moments, in which none of them could think of anything to say, the door opened again and Jack entered, pausing as three pairs of eyes were staring at him, none of which looked particularly happy to see him.

Rachel was frozen. Seeing him enter the kitchen just like he used to, having him here in the house with her again immediately caused havoc to her senses. He looked so handsome in jeans and a t-shirt but he also looked tired and thinner than he had.

He threw his keys on the counter next to Rachel's purse like he always used to do, and then reached in the fridge for a can of soda.

"Can we do that?" Addie asked, surprised at Jack's move.

Jack stopped with the soda halfway to his lips. "Do what?"

"Have something to drink? We've been sitting here for an hour not knowing what to do with ourselves."

"Yes Addie, help yourself this is our home and you are welcome to anything in it," Jack said with an amused smile.

Rachel's heart stuttered. He had said 'our' home.

"I don't see what's so funny, you sent us to a strange house and left us sitting here, by ourselves, for an hour while you went to see Fancy Nancy." Addie stood up and looked in the fridge grabbing a bottle of water. "That stuff will kill you," she said pointing to Jack's soda which he was holding halfway to his mouth frozen at what she had just said.

Rachel immediately realized that he hadn't known Nancy was in town.

"Not before the three of you kill me with your evil death stares which, if I am guessing correctly, have to do with Nancy being in town." He did manage to take a sip of soda this time.

"What should we do for dinner?" Rachel asked, trying to change the subject. The conversation was not going to make anyone happy.

"Well you went to see her first, before coming here with us, and before seeing Rachel," Addie said throwing herself in the chair at the table, making herself comfortable for the battle ahead.

"For someone who was so meek the first year and a half that we knew you, you sure have found your tongue Addie," Jack said with a warning in his voice.

"It's easy to not care what you say when you no longer have respect for the person you're saying it to," Addie said watching Jack closely.

"Addie, please," Rachel begged.

Paul was leaning against the doorway watching the scene play out, not bothering to intervene on anyone's behalf.

Addie and Jack stared at each other neither saying a word until Jack broke the silence.

"Addie, I've lost a lot of respect for myself over the past year, so I can't argue with you on that point."

Addie started to tear up nodding in agreement. "Thank God." She rose putting her arms around him in a hug. "Then you'll fix it."

"I'll do my best."

Rachel was lost as to what they were talking about, but they both seemed to understand one another, trying to hide her hurt at their easy embrace she turned to the fridge to look for something to make for dinner.

"So why did you go see Nancy?" Addie asked, still not letting it go.

"I didn't go see Nancy, I didn't even know she was in town." He reached into the fridge past Rachel. The moment was quick but she felt his body as it brushed against hers and she closed her eyes at the contact.

"You can't see what's in the fridge with your eyes closed Ray," he teased before he withdrew with another soda in his hand and then threw it to Paul.

"Then who did you go see?" Paul finally spoke up, curiosity getting the better of him. Or maybe he spoke on Rachel's behalf, sensing that she would never ask the question.

"I went to ask a question and the forgiveness of an old friend." His voice was low and rough as he said it, and Rachel knew without a doubt that he had gone to her father's grave.

"You went to see Dad." She closed the door and turned to look at him. Why had he needed to ask her father for forgiveness? Why hadn't he felt the need to ask for her forgiveness? He had always been able to be honest with her father but not her. He had shared a side of himself that he had never let her see. Suddenly she was jealous of her father and Jack. It was the first time she had ever felt the emotion and it filled her with a rage. Unable to cope with her thoughts she reached out and pummeled his chest.

"You can't do this Jack. It's not fair." She choked on a sob before she ran from the room tears clouding her vision. How could he bring her father back into it? He was dead and buried. He needed to let him rest in peace. A little voice on the back of her head told her that her father had never not been a part of their relationship.

She pushed the door open to her father's study and entered the dark room. This was the first time she had been in it since he had died, and she had no idea why she had run here and not to her own room.

She stood silently in the middle of the room listening to the quiet. There was only the moonlight as it fell across his chair where he used to sit. Like she used to do when she was a little girl she walked over to the chair and sat on the floor resting her head and arms on the seat as if his lap was still there. She was ashamed of her earlier jealousy. She couldn't deny Jack his relationship with her father, he had need him just as much as she had, maybe more.

If she was still enough and quiet enough she could still feel his hand as it stroked her hair, and she could hear him as he said 'the bad stuff makes the good stuff that much sweeter'.

"I've had nothing but bad stuff for five years Dad, when will it be time for the good stuff?" But she was only met with silence. He wasn't there and he never would be again. She felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her and she turned, burying her head in Jacks chest.

"Why Jack, why didn't he want to stay with me, why did he leave me? Why did you leave me?"

He held her in his arms while she sobbed her heart out for the first time since his death not saying a word just holding her close. He knew this grief was for her father, he knew that she needed to release it, and he didn't try to stop her or try to say anything to make it better, he just let her cry because it was past time that she did.