quan·da·ry
noun
1.a state of perplexity or uncertainty over what to do in a difficult situation.
I don't think I'd ever been so uncertain in my entire life. The silence that followed his question was full of questions, and I didn't know the answers to any of them. What was the right thing to do? What did I actually want to do? Did I want revenge? Or did I just want to end this all and leave? I'd been living in hiding for so long, maybe it would be better to just leave. To start my life over somewhere else.
I could feel all of their eyes on me, waiting. Tara looked like she was ready to get back to fighting. There was no way she would go with me if I left. Evelyn looked torn. She'd been protecting me since we had joined Amanda's group, and we'd been friends before that. But she wanted things to be better for everyone, and she knew she could do something to help, and she was willing to do anything. I knew that already. She had been willing to sacrifice her life for all of us, with just a few sarcastic comments along the way.
Alyssa looked at me, and I could tell what she was thinking just by the expression on her face. What would your mum want you to do? I took a shaky breath and thought. My mum. I had tried so hard not to think of her lately. If she was still here, I probably wouldn't have risked my life over and over. But she wasn't. She was gone, because the government was holding back on us. She got sick one day, just coughing. She kept telling me nothing was wrong, just go to school, I'll be fine. And then it got worse. She couldn't breathe. But there was no way for us to get medicine for her. We weren't important, or rich, enough. The last day, it was like I froze inside. She died and I didn't feel anything. It was the day after the first time Amanda had approached me, so I left. I went to Alyssa, and told her, and I left. We went to find Amanda, and I never went back. I wasn't even sure what my mother would tell me was the right thing to do anymore. Had I been doing the wrong thing for so long that I couldn't tell the difference? Or was it the opposite that was true?
"Shannon..." I glared at Mr. George again. "Sorry. Shay. You don't have to decide right this second. You can have a shower, eat something, and get some rest. That goes for all of you." He looked so sincere and kind, and I just didn't want to trust him. Not after everything I had been through. I stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. Jaden came over, putting his hand on my shoulder gently.
"Thank you. We accept." He helped me up, and followed Amanda as she led us up the stairs.
"Jaden.." I hissed.
"Look, I don't usually speak up, but listen to me. You can't think straight. You're hurt, and starving, and exhausted. So sleep, and then we can talk about it as a group. " I looked at him, surprised. He was right, he didn't usually speak up. So maybe that was why I listened and stayed quiet, following him. Amanda opened a door and let us into a bedroom. There were three double beds and a bathroom. I was surprised. Edward George must've really had some good connections if he had a house with so many bedrooms.
The sight of the bed almost made me collapse. The full effect of the past twenty four hours really hit me, my adrenaline going down. "Oh jeez." I muttered. Sagging against Jaden. Despite the circumstances, he chuckled, helping me over to a bed.
"Told you." Alyssa and Evelyn went over to one bed, sitting down. Jaden looked around for Amanda, who was standing in the doorway. "Can you get me some gauze and stuff? For her burn?" I blinked sleepily, watching the other girls slip into bed. Alyssa and Evelyn crawled into one, and Tara climbed into the third. Jaden changed the wrappings on my arm, and helped me into bed. "I'll sleep on the floor."
"Don't be an idiot." I muttered, pulling on his arm. After a bit more whispered arguing, he slipped into the bed. I cuddled against him, closing my eyes. He felt so warm, and the feel of him wrapping his arms around me gently soothed me to sleep. For the first time in a long time, I slept without nightmares.
I woke up, stretching slowly. I really had to think. I still didn't know what to do. I stared at the ceiling, trying to really decide what my mother would have told me. I finally figured it out. She would have told me to decide what would make me feel better, and what would make the world feel better, and then pick which was more important.
"Shay?" Jaden whispered in my ear. A shiver went down my spine for no reason.
"Yeah?" I whispered, turning in his arms to face him.
"What do you think you'll do?"
"I'm not sure." He stayed quiet for a few moments before whispering again.
"I'm staying with you. No matter what." That surprised me even though I had seen it coming. The way he said it sent butterflies through my stomach. Still, I had to question him.
"Why?"
"Because. I always want to be near you. And I want to keep you safe." I bit my lip, a blush creeping onto my face.
"Oh." I finally knew what I had to do. I laid with Jaden, half asleep, until the world seemed to wake up, or at least my friends. "Guys?" I asked as they sat, waiting. "I'm staying. I need to help." I looked at Alyssa. "It's what my mum would have wanted." She smiled and nodded.
"Good. I'm staying with you."
Evelyn nodded, with Tara right behind her. "We will too."
Jaden gripped my hand in his. "You know I will too."
"Sounds like a plan then."
