KAWAII {This is ME RANDOM V}

*cries because of life*

I'm so stressed lately and I don't know why??

And I want to sleep all day tomorrow but my sister has a dance thing pretTY MUCH ALL DAY

And of course I have to go to that

My head's been swimming lately, pounding with every word by the end of the day

idk if it's because of my blood pressure going down again or just stress

But I want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world because I cannot deal with people

I'm with two useless idiots in my tech group

And three in a science group

And no one ever listens to me ever??

Like

If I wanted to be ignored

I would stay silent more often than I do normally

I've found myself not talking because wherever I go, no one listens to me?? Not even at my own house??

And when my sister interrupts me (most of the time she does so two or three times during my one sentence) and I get angry

And my parents are like "lol tell the story I'm listening"

I refuse to

Because if no one listens

Why should I speak

And then they get frustrated with me because when I get angry I just kinda shut down and ignore everything and don't speak to anyone

And then they're mad at me??

Today, during dinner

Me: I had a Social Studies test today (it was quiet and I was the only one talking)

*no one even looks at me*

*other three family members talk amongst themselves*

Thanks guys

Hate u sometimes too

And a lot of the time in school

I'll sa--

Y'know what, I'm gonna cut myself off before I continue

Because I'll fall into this huge spiral of anger and long stories and I'm tired and just want to sleep

I just want to tell people to leave me alone and let me sleep all the time

And my dad wonders why I'm always tired

SpeakING OF WHICH

I had a drabble about Rin (one of my characters) and he tried to kill himself and he was in the hospital and Sari and Nate visited him and all that stuff

And it was laying on my desk among other notebook papers spewed around

And my da d decided to read it w hile I was aslee p??

W hy??

Did I giv e you pe rmission??

Also when he asked what was wrong a couple mornings later

I told him 25-30% of what's actually on my mind (some of the sucky stuff) and

He texted me this massive text later about he's sorry it's hard to be human and blah blah blah

And he tells me to get out of my room when it's the only place I feel comfortable, and he's t a k i n g    t h a t     a w a y     f r o m     m e

And he needs to stop

And I didn't reply to his text and he said I should and ???

How about no??

I don't need you giving me grief about not replying to your novel of a text??

I have enough stress already

And I don't need you adding to it

So b y e

Let me hibernate even though my birthday's soon

Now I want to type this huge thing to Michael about how I'm sorry I'm an awkward asshole and always deny it when he points out my few good points and says I'm awesome and he trusts me and I'm a great friend or w/e (none of which is tru e hahah) and how I hate falling apart when he sounds like he has it worse and I'm just so sorry that I'm so awful and angsty ;-;

So aye if you read to this part thx for reading about my angsty world

No one else would probably listen so I decided to type it out here

Thanks for listening

:/

Also my 13th birthday's in 11 days (about time geez) and idk if I want to have friends over or what

But that's not very important ://////