Coma » m.g.c

It shouldve been me

Michael

I held her hand in both of mine as I sat by her hospital bed crying. Yea crying. Whatta shocker.

I held her hand close to my face and closed my eyes just thinking of what would be happening if she was awake.

Also trying to grasp the fact that she did this to herself. I know she did because I know she's that person that doesn't care about herself if it means helping someone else. I know she would rather herself die than me. And I know she did it on purpose to save me.

But it shouldn't have been her.

No.

It should have been me.

I was the one yelling at her. I was the one who was driving. I was the one who was the idiot that didn't realize management could read my DMs. It was my fault. It should be me in this hospital bed not her. It was my fault. All my fault.

I was crying harder now because I simply couldn't take he fact that there was a chance she wouldn't wake up.

I would have killed the girl the only girl that truly showed interest in me. The only girl that understood I would be gone a lot but would stay up to talk to me. The only girl that would put my fans before herself. The only girl that didn't want something from me besides my pure love and affection.

But I couldn't give that to her.

I had to do what management said but before I did I truly fell in love with her. And I was an idiot not to show it.

I tried my best but it's hard when she's mad at me and it's hard when management calls paparazzi on me.

I tried so hard but I couldn't do it.

Another reason that it should be me.

She did absolutely nothing wrong.

She just wanted to protect herself she didn't want me because of 'fame' she didn't want cameras flashing in her face.

She wanted a simple date and I failed at giving it to her.

It was all my fault.

It should have been me.

"Michael"

My head shot up I almost thought it was Nhya but the familiar Australian accent said otherwise.

"Can I come in?"

I nodded hesitantly. I was still clutching her hand tight holding it up to my face as Calum sat down across from me on the other side of the bed holding her other hand.

He brushed hair out of her face and sniffled.

"What actually happened Michael? The real story not the bullshit one"

I sniffled and wiped my eyes as I sighed. "She didn't want to go out at first. She was real about it. She didn't want cameras flashing in her face and she didn't want me going out with her just because management said. But it wasn't true. I wanted to go out with her because... Because... I love her. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long long time. So I told her we could go out without anyone knowing. No management. No cameras. No nothing. Just us. But I asked her out over Twitter DM because I didn't have her number and management read our conversation. They sent cameras out and they were following us. We went to the store to get a bunch of stuff for movies and all but when we walked out we were surrounded by paparazzi. She got pissed but I told her I'd drive her home. While we were in the car I was telling her I was sorry I was telling her I didn't mean for any of it to happen. B-but then I saw lights. I heard her call my name and when I looked forward we were in the other lane and there was a big semi truck driving towards us. I was going to swerve out of the lane but she beat me to it. She grabbed the wheel and spun the car out of the way, or at least she tried to. We almost missed the truck but it hit the back and part of her side and then the car turned and all I remember is us turning and me hitting my head. T-the Uhm. The doctor said she had more impact because the semi came into contact on her side" I looked at her and I sobbed. I cried harder then I ever have before and I just sobbed into her lap. I let every single emotion out and just cried. I could tell Calum was crying too. We were a mess.

He came over on my side and put and arm around me

"It isn't you fault Mike. It isn't" he cried

"It should have been me Calum." I cried into her hand.

"It should have been me"