I had reached the end of the aisle when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. "You know it's customary to find out the other person's name once you tell them yours."
I slowy turned to face him, "you gonna tell me your name then?"
He smirked like any cocky bastard would and said "Jaxson, but you can call me Jax."
"Well, if that don't put the icing on the douchebag cake," I whispered.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, anyway I gotta go. Nice talking to ya," I said while practically running away. I got to the gardening section thinking I finally got away and that's when I heard it. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Which was followed by his heavy breathing. "I didn't get your number," he said while trying to catch his breath. "That's because I didn't give it to you."
"Oh baby, why so cold," he said stepping closer to me. I moved away swiftly, but ended up backing up into an inconveniently placed corner. "Look, your not my type. So, how about we forget this all happened."
"Not your type, I'm a total catch," he stepped back and gestuered to his muscular body.
"And that, is why you're not my type." I decided I'd had enough of this douche and I tried to elbow my way past him. It was a pitiful sight. I'm not frail by any means, far from it in fact. However, for some reason I couldn't squeeze past this asshole.
"Where ya going doll face?"
Everything stopped and I looked up at him and scowled, "did you just call me doll face?"
"Yeah, what're you gonna do about babycakes?"
That's when I brought me leg back and drove it forward. I felt the sweet satisfaction of my knee connecting with his groin. He let out a loud cry and I ran when I found my opening.
~
After making my great escape I ran through the hardware place like a kid trying to escape a beating. I found Jazz in the same aisle with the same random tool, but they were a lot closer this time. You could tell she was trying to "close".
To better explain closing I must breakdown the 4 steps to a hardware store fling. Step 1: find a guy that knows less about fixing things than you do. Step 2: look lost and helpless in order to get his attention. Step 3: (probably the most important step) FLUFF HIS EGO. Make him feel like he knows what he's doing. Step 4: (another very important step) Close! Set up a date with the guy for that night or the next night.
Anyway back to Jazz. You could tell she was laying it on thick with this guy. She fluttered her eyelashes and constantly touched his sculpted arms. But it seemed like this guy wasn't totally getting it. "So, what are you doing tonight," she asked trying to hide her subtle frustration. "Oh, I don't know. I guess I'll hang out with my roommate or something." I could see the spark in her eyes telling me she found an opening. "Ok, how about we make plans. We can go out for dinner or something."
"Oh, cool. I'll call my roommate and tell him!" "Great," she dragged in what should've been an obviously sarcastic manner. I noticed she still hadn't seen me so I slowly began to back out of the aisle. However, as my luck would have it the shoes I was wearing decided to squeak just before I could make an exit.
Jazz's head turned a little too quickly and conveyed the look I was hoping to avoid. She pulled her famous "sorry babe, I'm gonna owe you big time" face. This meant that I had to tag along tonight and I couldn't say no. Great, I thought, cuz I totally wanted to spend my evening with a brain dead hunk and his probably equally dumb roommate....
