Played By My Best Friend

Chapter 9

"Why do you think we stopped being close?"

"Why did I even ask that? Why does it matter? You're not going to get close again anyways."

I groaned to myself, breaking the silence in my room as I stuffed a pillow to my face in an attempt to smother my humiliated self to death.

Did I really have to cling onto him like that?

Emily, have you really got no pride?

Years have passed and I've stopped counting.

The trips I take down memory lane occurs less frequently but during the split seconds that I lose my focus and my mind has nothing to busy itself with, I find myself cringing inwardly; big time.

I think that chapter contains the most disgraceful moments of my life.

As they always say, regret comes after.

I pulled the pillow off my face and stared at my room's ceiling.

It was a Saturday afternoon but the sky outside was dark and grey, heavy clouds blocking the sun's rays.

A lightning flashed in the sky.

My room was flooded with light for that split second and I braced myself for the roar of thunder that came a few seconds afterwards.

Sure enough, the boom of the thunder echoed through the sky before it started pouring cats and dogs outside.

I turned my head to look outside of the window when the sound of the pelts of rain drummed against my window and rooftop.

I sat up, getting out of my bed and slipping into my pair of slippers as I walked closer to the window above my study desk.

I laid a hand on the glass, the cold felt nice under my fingertips. I traced the wet trail that the droplets of water left behind as they slid down the cool surface on the other side.

Every time it rained like this, it reminds me of the times that I'd feel nostalgic and think about Alex. I cracked the window slightly open to let some of the cold air in and sting me to wake me up.

The musky smell of wet grass hit me before the cold breeze did as it wafted through the small gap between my window sill. I opened my eyes and watched as the trees danced along with the wind.

I sat down on my study desk chair, taking out a piece of scrap paper and a pencil.

Let's just write everything down and burn it, burn the feelings and memories along with it.

I nodded to myself, convinced that it was a good idea.

I'll pour everything out onto paper and burn the paper away. Maybe this way I'll actually be able to discard the memories and move on properly.

I tapped my pencil on the piece of paper as I thought about where I should start.

I don't know..

"Right, I don't know what I'm supposed to write." I thought to myself as I erased the three words off the paper and started again.

I looked out the window and decided to write whatever comes to mind.

∞ ∾ ∞ ∾ ∞

Do you think the trees know when it's about to get rained on? Or when the wind is about to blow so hard that their leaves will be forcefully shaken off their branches and sway the tall and mighty tree itself?

Do you think the old me knew that the memories we made as best friends would still be strong enough to sway me years later?

Do you think I had knowingly given you consent to shake my branches even though I knew that would cause me to shed my leaves?