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10. Porn & romance: becoming anal

Anal sex is everywhere in porn and now it's taking the romance genre by assault. If you have an erotic romance story, you bet the hero at one point will ask the heroine for anal sex—that is, if he doesn't force her into it. It's usually a male's decision that the girl accepts in the name of love and lust. The hero guarantees she's going to like it. Countless heroes have done so: let's train your ass, you'll love it, yada-yada-yada—then a kiss on her forehead and a dick shoved up her butt.

Wait a minute.

How can he be so sure she'll love it? And how can he make that decision for her?

It's not his body.

Anal sex is a male fantasy. It gives the man a sense of empowerment over the woman: he reigns in a dominant position, which is heightened by the idea of transgression: he is entering a forbidden territory. As for women, they have been trained by male porn to find it a desirable practice, since porn is the major sex reference in our society. Anal sex seems to be turning mandatory in erotic romance as it already is in male porn. That really bugs me.

Anal sex is not mandatory: it's optional.

We are all being brainwashed to believe that everyone should do it, that this is what we want  and enjoy. The mass media convinces us that we need  this phone, we need  those jeans, and now we need anal sex. That's the anal dictatorship in which we live nowadays.

If you remember from an earlier post, the staple anal sex in porn stemmed out of men's resentment against women. I would say that's definitely not the best approach to sexuality. Let's recall pornographer Paul Hesky's pearls of wisdom: "Essentially, it comes from every man who's unhappily married, and he looks at his wife who just nagged at him about this or that or whatnot, and he says, 'I'd like to fuck you in the ass.' He's angry at her, right? And he can't, so he would rather watch some girl taking it up the ass and fantasize ... and that is the attraction, because when people watch anal, nobody wants to watch a girl enjoying anal."

Now this is what male sex educator Michael Castleman has to say about anal sex: "In porn, 'anal' usually means penis-anus intercourse. In real life, this is the least popular form of anal play. Most real anal play involves gentle sphincter massage or shallow fingering. Women who do anal scenes use gobs of lubricant and wear butt plugs for an hour before going on-camera, but viewers never see this. Worse, some porn includes penises that go directly from the woman's anus into her mouth, which may transmit infection." Castleman wrote that in an article back in 2012. Today, anal sex has become more common in the real world, thanks to the indoctrination pushed by mainstream porn and now by mainstream erotic romance novels.

Hello vagina, nice to meet you anus

Let's talk anatomy. I will borrow hard science information taken by expert Dr. Miriam Grossman's brilliant lecture in 2015.

Here's the vagina:

— A 20 to 45-cell thick lining for protection

— Elastic tissue that allows for stretching

— Natural lubrication

— Low pH that inactivates HIV

— Anti-HIV proteins

The vagina is designed for penetration. Of course, that doesn't mean you should do extreme stretching or pounding because tears will certainly occur. Nor should you have unprotected vaginal sex, as the risks of getting AIDS and other STDs still exist.

Here is the anus:

— A very fragile ONE-cell thick lining, hardly any protection

— No elasticity