What if I ...

Part 2

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, hating that I looked so distraught over the idea that he was rejecting me.

Had to be hormones.

No girls around to be in sync with so of course everything is super overwhelming. It was my first Christmas away from my family and all.

Then again, what I was experiencing with the boys was no where near what I'd ever had with my starter family, as Sean liked to call them. No, Christmas maybe resulted in something "for the family" like when Dad replaced the tv that the stepmonster had broken in a fit of rage. Sometimes a new pile of clothes from the secondhand store for Marie and I to fight over.

I snorted. Fight, yeah. Most everything was her size except for like two things and even then, she was reluctant to give them to me. Fortunately, she absolutely despised skirts and I would end up with all of those. I'd gotten right handy with needle and thread to take in the waistbands or secure the cuts I made so that they wouldn't fray when I threaded in a drawstring. Gabriel didn't actually know the lengths I'd go to so that I could actually have clothes. The idea that I now had a rotating seasonal closet available thanks to Victor was shocking to me and without supervision, yeah, I'd wear the same things all the time.

I took a deep breath and splashed my face with cold water before washing it. I dried it off and decided to see if Kota's 'brush your teeth' advice would calm me down. While I was brushing my teeth, my thoughts wandered to Mr. Blackbourne.

He wasn't like the others. No, not ever like them. I narrowed my eyes in thought. It wasn't bad.... That he wasn't like them.

I just always had the idea that as much as he was for the plan, he hadn't fully come around to grasping what it meant.

Maybe.

He was always sure to tell me that he was on MY side. What I wanted. But then he also told me that Sean was on his side.

But Sean had been kissing me for months.

Maybe he didn't know just how far into the plan Sean was.

Something tells me

You're not like the other boys

Oh no babe

Oh no babe, hmm

I spit and rinsed my mouth as a soft knock sounded on the door.

"Miss Sorenson?"

The anxious note in his voice sent a shiver down my spine.

Well, his voice sent a shiver down my spine that thrilled me to no end because he'd addressed me formally. It was pretty rare for him to call me by name and I'd almost thought that those times were completely accidental.

The anxious note sent a worried shiver down, right after the first one and I'd waited too long to answer because he knocked again and said it again. I squared my shoulders and answered the door, surprised to find the palm of his hand splayed in front of my face.

Had he been resting his palm there in a request of supplication? Or about to leave because I hadn't answered. I raised startled eyes to meet his steel gaze. "Mr. Blackbourne." I returned calmly, in greeting.

"I didn't mean to upset you." He said softly, reaching up to push at the corner of his glasses.

"You didn't." I said automatically only to find my spine straightening again at the sharp gaze he levelled at me and I looked away from his eyes to find 8 other pairs of eyes staring down the hallway at us and I narrowed my gaze at them. I pursed my lips for a moment. "Won't you step into my office?" I asked, smiling slightly at him as my eyes met his again.

He glanced over his shoulder, frowning slightly before nodding. "It would seem to be the best thing to do." He said before moving past me into the bathroom.

I locked the door and turned on both the fan and the shower. "Too many ears in this house." I pointed out. He gave me a millimeter smile. "Then again, I suppose they could watch on the camera." I frowned.

"No sound though." He pointed out. "And it's you and me, they know better." He stated before pulling out his phone and tapping at the screen for a moment. "But just in case, I'll just disable this video feed for now." He looked at me.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"So, Miss Sorenson...." He tilted his head and crossed his arms waiting for me to tell him what was on my mind. I was silent, trying to find the words. "Why do you think it would be a problem if you kissed me tomorrow?" He got tired of waiting for me to speak and had managed to somewhat pick the issue to talk about.

"I don't think it would really be a problem." I finally said. "I just don't know half the time if you really like me. Are you just tolerating me because it makes them happy and I will manage to hold everything together so you don't lose the family you created for yourself?"

He seemed stunned by the question.

"I mean, I know the plan started and was your idea to pursue it but... you never touch me unless you have to... you don't..." I shrugged. "You don't treat me like they do."

He stepped forward, uncrossing his arms and dropping a finger on my lips. "Miss Sorenson." He murmured, his eyes softening from steel to silver. A shiver visibly shook me. "Of course, I like you. Can't you hear it? I don't speak to them like this." He pointed out. "It might just be due to the fact that we aren't together outside of class or our Sunday breakfasts. But sometimes I get the impression that I scare you."

"Oh no." I shook my head, dislodging his finger from my lips. "I like you. I do..." I smiled at him. "Can't you hear it?"

Of course I like you

Can't you hear it in my voice?

Oh yeah babe

Oh yeah babe, hmm