In the mind of a girl (Diary) #Wattys2016

Fairytale

Ever since I was younger, I grew up on Disney princess films. Romance novels. The idea of what an ideal romance would be...
'Our eyes would meet. Love at first sight. He'd whisk me away to live happily ever after. And if we did break up, he'd come running back to tell me he loved me, and I was the one.'

This is utter bullshit and wrong. The reality of it is, most guys don't notice you like them until your ancient. You practically have to show them a sign that reads 'I like you.' In big neon, capital letters.

And when you are together, it's not all roses. There's arguments. Different ambitions and dreams. Different career goals. Which often leads to living in two separate places and becoming two different people. Guys can't multi task. So you can almost always expect a long distance relationship, will fail.

Heartbreak is inevitable. It's painful. It's painful to get rid of all the presents and memories. It's painful to never talk to one another. It's sooo painful to not be their special person anymore. That's the worse one.

To watch that person move on, should make you happy, to see them grow up. But it's like a knife, that just gets pushed in deeper and deeper with everything they do without you. Their living plans have changed, they won't be moving back home. Their living in that place for good. Knife cuts a little deeper. They work two jobs and have totally given up any spare time. Knife cuts a little deeper. Their going to a place you said you'd visit together with friends. Knife cuts a little deeper. They have other girl mates, who have so much in common with them. And go to the same places. How could they not want to get together. He's perfect. I would, if I was her. Knife cuts a little deeper. He totally disregards every sweet thing you say you use as hand, to see if what you had is still there. It isn't.   The knife stabs through. That's it. Your done.

Realisation hits. The love you had for one another. How strong it was. How you were adamant it could never be broken, or changed. Did just that. The undying love and strong connection, you thought you'd always have. Isn't there anymore. It's gone. He doesn't see you that way anymore. Your not his special girl. There will be no use of baby, or I love you, or my angel. Or any romantic fairytale you hold onto in the hope that they might say it. It's gone. Your not his love, or his life anymore. You're a fleeting memory. Something he may think about once in a blue moon. And even though, you think about him every second of every day. You can't have a one sided love. Fairy tales don't exist in the real world. This isn't the sad montage of the film, where the couple split up. The audience is just waiting for them to run back into each others arms. Roll end credits. It's not going to happen. He has let go. It's over. End credits role here.

Do I want the fairytale ending? Yes! Do I want him to run back into my arms? Yes! Do I want him to show up at my door and kiss me? Yes! Would I give anything to kiss him again? Yes! Feel his lips and touch and smile? Yes! Hear the words 'I love you my baby'? Yes! Do I want to wake up to him sleeping next to me, cuddling him. Breathing in his intoxicating smell? Yes! Do I want to be   HIS girl again? Yes! Yes to all that! A thousand times yes!

But reality isn't fiction. You can write a happy ending, and paint a love story in your head. It doesn't make it a reality. It won't be a reality.

You feel naive. An utter idiot for allowing yourself to think there could be an Oscar worthy happy ending. You couldn't help it really. Films, books and music, teach you otherwise. But here's the kicker. The reason they are wrote, and performed and sang...It's because that's what the artist didn't get. They didn't get the fairytale happy ending themselves. So they create one in a form of art. They imagine just like you. Cruel joke right?

Your not special. Your love story isn't one in a million. It's one in five. Your love story isn't going to beat the odds, and prove everybody wrong. Love can conquer all. Nope. Love is fleeting. Mine isn't a special, one in a million love story. Do I wish it still could be? Yes!...Is it right now...No. Woman are allot more romantic and naive than men. We read things that tell us "True love is always possible."
Men don't believe it for a second. Romance and love story, isn't in their vocabulary. In a way, there better for it. Harsh truth...No man will show up at your door in the pouring rain. And kiss you, then make sweet passionate love to you. Woman, reserve that to a film with popcorn. Men don't have that romance bone in any of their body. We all know the only bone they really think with, is the one between their legs. Least they can save themselves from the over active imagination. We can't. Everything that falls in love, is just that. It falls. It's going  to get broken. Reality is what breaks it. Love is easy. Life is harder.

So what do you do? Totally cut out this guy and hate him, for not riding his noble steed to rescue you. You could. But why blame a guy for something that isn't programmed into them. Men are from Mars. Woman are from Venus. They will never understand or want the romantic, fairytale ending. It's not them. Do you risk losing someone so important to you? If there not that important. Fine. Cut all losses, if it's easier for you.
But for me. I would rather go through the torture of being this guys friend, than lose him all together. I guess, as much as I want to be a pessimistic bitch. I still have a little spark of fairytale. But this fairytale is not up to me. It's in his and life's hands. So don't get your hopes up. I'm not. I've learnt now that I don't live in a romance novel. Shocking right? This guy doesn't want to be my Mark Darcy. I will never see him kiss me in a wet, white shirt. It's such a pity. And to some level it's sad. But life's too short. I'm not getting any younger. Friends it must be. I couldn't lose him all together. He will always be my best friend. And I hope I hold that much room in his heart, to be his best friend. I'm better than any guy he'll ever be mates with. I will always give a shit about his well being and his dreams. He can't strip that away from me. Fairytale or no fairytale.

Ladies. Life lesson. Most guys aren't knights in shining armour. Take off the rose tinted glasses, and you'll see, their really just twats in tin foil. But if that twat in tin foil still makes you laugh and smile. Don't lose him as a friend.

To sum up. Life is not "The Notebook" in terms of movies. It's more "500 days of summer" realistically. Educate yourself and watch both films. You'll understand.

Never stop dreaming in your head. I will always fantasise of him, and what could have been in a fantasy world. But to save yourself the heartbreak. Don't apply it to real life. If it ever happens in real life, you'll be pleasantly surprised...And hell would freeze over. Your fairytale is what you make it. Be your own knight in shining armour and rescue yourself. That's reality.