In the mind of a girl (Diary) #Wattys2016

2017 Goodbye's and 2018 Hello's

I don't make New Years resolutions, because I'm really bad at keeping them. And you never know what the year will bring. 2017 has been the biggest proof of that.
So, instead I've set goals. A list of what I plan to do in 2018. What I feel I'm ready for. No big, over the top, dramatic resolution. Just me.

First, to gain things, you have to let go of things. This is the list of what I'm letting go of from 2017.

• Constantly looking at the future. And what it has to bring - I'm scared of it. It only depresses me and stops me progressing. No one knows what the future holds. So why freak out about it.

•Letting FA define me - I got diagnosed in June. Since then, I became FA girl, called Deanna. Not Deanna, who has FA. I let it be a neon sign that prevented me from being who I am.

• Stop being nice to people that don't deserve it - I've always prided myself on how nice and open I am. But now, I realised it gets taken for granted. People don't care or appreciate it, or me for that matter. Whilst I act nice and friendly to some people, they slag me off and say horrible things about me behind my back. Being nice isn't always the right thing to do.

•Waiting around for things to happen - Life's far too short. And waiting around for what you want is pointless. Go out and get it. No matter what it is. (Nothing illegal)

•Stop comparing myself to other girls - My confidence has taken a massive hit recently. Always room for change and improvement. New nose, lip injections, jaw line needs work and my butt and thighs could be way smaller. But that needs to be for me. I'll never look like an Instagram model. I need to learn to be comfortable and happy in my own skin.

• Start excepting what may come. I may end up in a wheelchair. I may die before I'm 40 due to my condition. I definitely can't do stairs as well as I could. Butt sliding is the way forward. What's the point fearing the inevitable? If it's going to happen down the line, it's going to happen. But not today. Be happy your breathing, with great family and friends that love you.

Now. 2018 goals. What I plan to do next year.
• Get my driving license.
• Take part in one clinical trial for FA.
• Finish my book.
• Get published (Even if it's an article or a poem)
• Open my heart to love and hopefully start a relationship. (No more dating)
• Travel to an unknown place.
• Keep up my weekly workout schedule.
• Post my 50th blog article.
• Maybe get back into music. And record another CD.
• Start my own little Etsy business.
• Volunteer for at least one charity.
• lastly, Be happy and grow up.

And that's it. Nothing too outlandish. Some people may look and think, "That's it?" But it's important to me. I don't want fame or fortune. I don't want glory and perfection. I just want to be happy and live life for me.