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interlude; 1981

-padfoot-

I lean over the crib, glancing at Harry again, like any time before except for the dread permeating the room because of the reason for my visit. Only a year old, and already he looks just like both his parents. He has James' jet black hair, impossible to tame; when he's awake, he looks out on the world with Lily's beautiful green eyes. He looks so peaceful, now. I still can't imagine what has to be wrong with a person to send him after a little boy this innocent, bent on killing him at all costs...

"Sirius, are you about ready?" James asks. I turn to look at him, his arm around Lily's shoulders; he doesn't look as if he's slept in weeks. I only hope that once this spell's over and done with, he and Lily can rest a little easier knowing that they're safe in their best friend's hands.

Peter's sitting on their sofa, looking altogether uncertain why I asked him to come. He's been a nervous wreck lately, and I can hardly blame him. He's showing on the outside what all of us are feeling on the inside. Lord Voldemort's growing stronger and stronger, and now Dumbledore tells us he's after Harry. The world has become a scary place.

I've been thinking long and hard about this, and I have a sort of plan. James is watching me curiously, wearily, waiting for me to say something, so I decide it's time to tell him. "I think you should make Peter your Secret Keeper," I tell him and Lily. Both of them look startled, which doesn't surprise me; they cast side-long glances at Peter, from whose face the blood has drained.

"M—me?" he asks. He seems to be thinking very hard.

"Don't worry," I tell him. "We won't tell the others. Everyone will still think I'm the Secret Keeper, and they'll come after me. Then, even if anything happens to me, it doesn't matter. Peter's still protecting your whereabouts." I don't explain all the reasons behind my sudden decision to switch with Peter. More importantly... but I think of Remus, and the bottom of my stomach drops out.

"Only Dumbledore and Remus know you're going to be the Secret Keeper," Lily says quietly, watching me with those green eyes of hers. She's always been able to see right through me—through all of us. "So there's no reason for you to switch... unless you think one of them is Voldemort's spy." I know that she can tell exactly what I've been afraid of. The thought of Dumbledore being the spy is, of course, ridiculous... and that leaves Remus. That's her reasoning. I arrived at the conclusion by a different line of reasoning, but she's right.

I still feel like I'm betraying him, though, by thinking that. It's been over a year since the fight, but I still feel loyal to him. I can't just tell her she's right. Instead I say, "I'm the obvious choice. Everyone knows James and I are best friends. No one will think of Peter, though." I look over at Wormtail; he doesn't look offended, and I'm glad. I don't mean it badly. No, he looks lost in thought, flushed with fear. "I'll be like a decoy."

Lily isn't fooled, but James nods and says, "Okay. We'll make Peter the Secret Keeper, then, if he's willing." He looks over at Peter; neither of us really expects Wormtail to refuse, but I could understand him being scared at first. In the end he'll agree, though. He always does.

"Of... of course," Peter says. It still sounds like he's uncertain. He runs a hand back through his blonde hair, his eyes flickering between the three of us. For some reason, he reminds me intensely of the rat he chose as his Animagus form at this moment, and I shiver, but I shake it off. "I'll do it."

I turn back to the crib, glancing down at baby Harry. He stirs in his sleep, turning on his side and putting his hand up to his face, his fingers curled against the side of his nose. I shake my head to myself. I still can't believe that someone would want to kill him. Even worse, I can't believe Remus would be a part of it.