Dancing alone

Thoughts

I stared out the car widow watching the world zoom by. My vision started to blur as I was captured by my thoughts. I do this a lot. Go inside my head to think. What else do you expect from someone so alone.

Alone. A simple word that could easily describe me. Used is another word. Broken? It seems like the best word to describe the outcome of something. But not a way to describe a person.

This is what I am. This is what I feel. It has been this way for a long time. Around when middle school started I noticed more about people. Some things happened that I neither wanted to think of. I just learned how easley they can brake you if you get to close. So now I am alone.

I frown at the word. It's hard to be alone, and I hate it. Technically though I'm not completely alone. I mean I have my mom. And who knows maybe this place will be different. I'm not saying that new place new identity cause truly I'm not stupid enough to think that is how it works. New place new people. New possibilities. Though I will say the same, closed off girl.

At least I got to help out with choosing the place. We were currently moving to a place in Minnesota. We had decided that we had finally had enough with peoples bullshit. Mom has some old friends there. I keep forgetting what the town was called. But the house was absolutely perfect for us. It is a two story house with the perfect amount of rooms for all of our needs and an extra room for if the slight chance that someone stays over.

I had totally called this slightly huge room with a walk in closet and an amazing window seat. There was a room that was shaped almost perfectly for a personal art studio for my mom. There was a patio that even attaches to it. It's a hard to descried house but just another reason for it to be perfect. There was even a room that I was secretly planning to turn into a dance studio of my own.

I loved to dance. I honestly had no idea if I was good or not cause I'm self taught. Thank god for the internet. But the only other person in the world that knows that I dance, is my mom. I love her to the ends of the world. But no one has and probably will ever see me dance. It was a personal thing when I danced. There was no specific routine I just moved to the way I felt. I don't know what I look like cause I always have to close my eyes. I just always know were I am in the room. But I made an alarm to know if anyone wanted to try and sneek to watch me dance.

I was pulled out of my head to some 80s music. My mom turned it up and started to sing really loud so I wouldn't complain. My mom actually has good taste in music, just completely tone deaf.

So I turned it down so that it wasn't deafening and sang just as loud as her. Not even caring that I knew like only 1% of the lyrics. I liked these moments with my mom. With it being just her and me, she worked alot. She is a digital designer and a dam good one.

But no matter what she always found a time of the day for me. I feel bad that she has to worry so much. She could probably get a boyfriend without me. But what can you do. I mean I could go all suicidal, but the literal translation in my head to suicide is stupid.

The song ended and I returned to staring out the widow. Honestly I'm terrified. Exited but terrified. This could be the best thing that will ever happen to me. But it could also be the worst. Though at the same time it could be me being super paranoid. Ah well.

I just hope that not all of the people there aren't a corruption of pure evil.