Brew Books

Chapter 8

'It's too late to catch a train back to Brighton, surely?' Harper asks me. 'You're welcome to crash here.'

We've finished our coffees and I'm trying to make a move to leave. As much as I like Harper, I feel out of place and anxious in this new situation, and I need to retreat to my comfort zone and organise my thoughts.

'My aunt lives in Clapham,' I tell him. 'I can stay at hers.'

'I'm sure Kitty would be happy for you to stay in her room,' Harper insists.

But I think back to the way Kitty ran from me, as if I'd said something wrong. Even though Kitty and I are childhood friends, we have a lot of history, and I know there's no way I could sleep in the same bed as her tonight. I'd just feel too out of place.

So I catch the tube to Clapham, which takes over an hour, and turn up at my Aunt's place just before midnight.

Liz is my mum's sister; a few years younger. She ushers me into her living room with a hug, and tells me we can sit up and have a drink or a cup of tea, but I tell her I'm exhausted, so she leads me upstairs to the spare bedroom, past the bedrooms of my two teenage cousins.

Finally alone, in Liz's spare bedroom, with thousand thread count Egyptian cotton sheets and plush towels folded neatly on the bed, I try to sleep, but end up scrolling through Instagram, and debating myself in my head.

I haven't been close to Kitty in years, so why would I pack up and move in with her, now? And her friends are obviously crazy, and I would never fit in, and do I really want to work in a cafe, anyway?

But the idea of working in that beautiful bookstore inspires me. The smell of coffee and books, every day. And working alongside Harper...

And I realise that today, while I was sitting on that sofa, talking to Kitty, was when my mind was the most relaxed it's been in years. A weight was lifted off my chest when I told Kitty everything. I want that feeling again. I want Kitty in my life again.

So the next day I catch the train home to Brighton, to pack my stuff.

Dad seems relieved to hear that I'm moving out again, so soon after I moved home from quitting university. He doesn't know what to do with me, nowadays, and I don't know what to do with him. Our goodbye is awkward and unfriendly, made worse by Aunt Liz hovering, refusing to say anything to my father. When we pull out of the driveway, I don't turn back to wave.

Aunt Liz drives me to London, through the rain. Radio 4 blasts the whole way, and Aunt Liz chatters over it, and I'm silent, watching the grey skies and the rain and the red brake lights in front of us.

Kitty is in the bookshop but runs out when we pull up on the street just after lunch time. We drag my bags into the hallway, and when they're safely out of the rain, I hug Aunt Liz goodbye.

I'm flustered from carrying the bags inside out of the rain, and it's hot in the hall, so I'm scrambling to take off my thick scarf when Harper comes downstairs, wearing socks, pyjama bottoms and... nothing else.

'Hey,' he says, a big grin spread across his face, as usual. 'Thought you might need some help.'

I stare at his bare chest, still struggling with my scarf, as Kitty says, 'we could have used your help ten minutes ago in the rain.'

'I'm here now,' Harper says, and he grabs one of my bags and swings it over his shoulder, taking the stairs two at a time.

Kitty and I follow him up into the flat, and we take my bags into Matt's old room, which is now stripped bare. All that's left is the wardrobe, chest of drawers, and bed. I cross the room to the window, placing my hands on the sill to look out onto the little garden downstairs. There are circular brown stains on the sill from tea mugs. The room feels cold, and empty.