Brew Books

Chapter 51

Ed, drawn by the noise, is standing in the hallway.

'Go away, Ed,' Kitty says softly.

'Kit, she knows about Matt,' Ed says.

'I know,' Kitty growls. 'I'm done protecting her. She doesn't deserve it. She deserves the truth. The cold truth.'

'Stop talking about me like I'm not here,' I say to Kitty, and I fall back onto the sofa. I can feel tears of frustration burning in my eyes. 'Why do you treat me like this? Like I'm something difficult you have to deal with, and take care of, rather than an actual human being? We're the same age.'

'I'm aware,' Kitty says coldly.

'What was my dad doing in your house?' I ask her.

'What do you think he was doing?' Kitty snaps back. 'How naive are you? How blind? How sheltered?'

'Kit,' Ed warns. He grabs the paper towel off me, to continue the poor job I've done of cleaning up the spilt tea.

'My dad never,' I say, stopping short and looking at Kitty. 'My parents split up. My dad never...'

'Of course he did, Jane!' Kitty yells. She paces towards the kitchen and then back again, as if she's unsure what to do, and then clutches at the sleeves of her jumper and folds her elbows around her head, before flinging her arms down in anger. 'How have you gone all these years being so ignorant?' she cries.

'I'm not ignorant, you just keep secrets from me!'

'I shouldn't have had to tell you this, Jane. You should have been looking out for me like I was looking out for you,' Kitty says. 'I was always looking out for you, and you hated me.'

'Stop acting as if you were a perfect victim in high school. You said cruel things to me,' I snap. 'You said horrible things about me and my friends.'

'Because you were bullying me! And you know what? I am not sorry about what I said about your friends. You were a bitch in high school. To me, to anyone who wasn't cool enough,' Kitty says. 'You're still a bitch.'

'Kit,' Ed says again.

'A stupid bitch,' Kitty says, her voice dropping. 'You never figured it out. Or you just never wanted to know. But of course your dad was cheating on your mum. Your whole life. You're in denial about your parents.'

'How could I be in denial? My parents split up! My mum killed herself! What am I denying here?' I snap.

'My mum. Your dad was fucking my mum the whole time,' Kitty says. 'And I was a little kid and I didn't understand any of it.'

'You're wrong,' I say.

'What, did you just think that your parents split up and that was the first time your dad even noticed my mum? Why do you think it was so quick that your parents split up and then your dad married my mum?'

'You're lying,' I say.

'You're lying to yourself,' Kitty says. 'My dad... my mother's first husband. You remember him?'

I glower at her. 'Of course I do. Of course I remember your father.'

'Well you remember he had those three other kids, from his first marriage? Yeah, and before he married my mum... he had a vasectomy.'

At my feet, Ed has swept up all the pieces of teacup, and he moves out of the way, as if he's taking cover from an oncoming storm.

'No more lies, right, Jane?' Kitty says. 'But your entire life is built on lies. Your dad was cheating on your mum way before they separated. Your dad was sleeping with my mum way before you ever suspected a thing. And you know how I know? Because my father isn't really my father. Yours is.'

I inhale, ready to yell something at Kitty, but I can't. Instead, she keeps talking, and I let her, because this may be the first time I've ever felt Kitty's wrath. And I need to feel it, right now. To know that she's real.

'My entire life I've been forced to keep up this charade, for you,' Kitty says. 'Because you're special. You're his golden child. You're his perfect daughter. And who am I? No one. Nothing, to him. Nothing, to you.'

'Why are you saying this, Kitty?' I ask, feeling helplessly overwhelmed.

'You seriously think that it's just a big coincidence that you and I look exactly alike?'

I suck in a breath as I feel everything that I think I know about my world shattering. 'I can't listen to this,' I mumble. 'I need to get out of here. You're not my sister.' I storm down the hall to my bedroom, where I see my attempt at packing everything in my suitcase.

I can hear Kitty's footsteps in the hallway behind me. 'You can't leave!' she shouts after me. 'We don't have enough staff to cover. We couldn't find anyone when Matt left.'

'Stop your lies,' I cry, flinging clothes from my bed into the suitcase. 'He didn't leave, he died!'

'He chose to die,' Kitty says coldly. 'He left us.'

I feel a horrible sensation through my body.

'Kitty,' Ed warns.

'No more secrets, okay?' Kitty says. 'Matt killed himself. And we never told you, because you had literally just come out of your spiral of anxiety and depression after your mum killed herself. I didn't want you to have to think about living in the bedroom of a boy who ended his own life. But that's the truth, Jane, so you can deal with it. You've been sleeping in Matt's bedroom for months. And he went the same way as your mother.'

I find myself gasping. I hear Ed say, 'shut up, Kit,' as he storms out of the room.

I don't want to be here anymore. I know that much. I can't be in this bedroom. Matt's bedroom. Where he's been haunting me, all this time, because I've never been welcome. I've never belonged.

• Author's Note •

Thanks for reading, commenting, voting!

And on to the next chapter!

elle xx