LEMONADE

Don't Hurt Yourself

In couples therapy, they tell you to be supportive and hands-off. They tell you to whisper words of wisdom and just be by their side. They tell you to just let it be. But she can't. And she doesn't think that Lucas or her deserves it.

The creaky door announces the arrival of her boyfriend. She's not entirely sure she can call him that anymore. She's not sure what's his title to her is anymore.

She turns around to see Lucas with his bag slung over his back and in his hands was his phone which he was staring at, with a smirk on his face. Riley scoffs internally and folds her arms before clearing her throat to gain his attention. His initally "caught in the act" expression is quickly replaced with a warm smile, but Riley caught the shift in his mood and wonders if his smile was true. However, she offers him a smile too, but it is forced and unsincere.

He switches his phone off, slipping the device into his pocket before setting his bag down. It seemed that he expected her to run over with a hug, but she just stands where he found her. Her face is expressionless, which is unlike her usual like up the world smile and twinkling eyes. She presumes that he sees that.

She doesn't know how long she can control her anger. She is thankful that she decided to meet him at his studio inside of a cafe because she is now certain that she'll for sure blow up.

She feels his strong hands envelope her and his head hides in the nape of her neck. "I missed you, Riles." he murmurs into her hair. But you didn't miss me enough. Her arms stay to herself and her balls her fists, controlling herself to not hit him. She gulps down the urge to cry and bites on her tongue to not lash out him.

His lips start to kiss her neck, sucking on her skin. She pushes him off and he is confused, his face scrunched up, but she is unclear whether he's acting or not. His arms are still around her though, his grip is still as strong as it was while he kissed her. She gets straight to the point, starting off calmly. "Do you crave sex that much? Do you think that I don't love you enough?"

She notices the sudden twitch of his eyes and his arms slowly loosen around her, as his eyebrows furrow. She can sense his uncomfortableness of the topic as he barely is able to give an answer. His actions already given away his wrongdoings.

She scoffs in disbelief and her hand twitches before slapping his squarely on his cheek. His head immediately lifts up and his eyes widen in shock. "What's wrong with you?"he shouts, clearly enraged when he didn't even have the right to.

"What's wrong with me?" she raises her voice and the entire room is silent. "You cheated on me." her voice cracks unwillingly but her walls are still built strong. "Who the fuck do you think I am?"

She begins her tirade on how loved he was and how she could have any man she wanted. She didn't need his money and it would be the news of the day to many if they broke up. She was wanted too, even if he didn't want her. She wasn't some toy he could just walk all over. She wasn't a weakling. She was Riley Matthews.

"Riley," he murmurs. His voice is so unlike the Lucas she thought she knew and the hairs on her arm stand up. "She means nothing to me. It was a mistake. I'm sorry."

Lies.

"I love you, Riley."

Lies after lies after lies.

She cringes at his futile attempt to convince her of whatever lies he's feeding her. She loves him too, for sure. She's just not sure if that woman really mean nothing to her and if it was really a mistake and if he was truly sorry. She wonders how high on his priority list does she stand. He was never going to get anyone like her. She was irreplaceable.

A relationship was a joined one. If he hurt her, he gets hurt too. If he dissed her, he gets dissed too. If their relationship was filled with love and compassion, both companions would be happy. He couldn't just do so many hurtful things to her and get away with it. Their relationship lacked growth and intimacy. He shouldn't have the heart to just hurt her without feeling guilty.

"You're a liar." she says. She doesn't trust Lucas as easily as she did before and it upset her that he went from her most trusted person to her least. She can't differentiate his lies and his truths but as angry as she is, she still want to work things out with him. She still wants him in his life for as long as possible.

But not when he cheated. Not when he is untrustworthy and unfaithful. She can't believe that she didn't see through his lies and deceptions. But then again, love is blind.

"Who was she?" she asks, tears streaming down her face despite the raging fire building inside her. She's stronger than Lucas' betrayal. She's an independent woman. She was a fire-breathing dragon.

"A girl at my college." he admits defeatedly. She wipes the hot tear running down her cheek with the back of her hand. "Do you love her?" she asks again, her voice a whisper, and she feels like her windpipes are going to burst.

"No." he says with finality in his tone. "Of course not." She hopes that its true. "Do you love me?"

"Yes. With all my heart." he pleads, his hands holding onto her elbows. "Then why did you do it?"

Anger seeps through her veins as her tears dry up on her face and she shrugs his hands off of her. "We need a break."

She brushes pass him and heads to the door, only to be pulled back, with Lucas calling after her. But she swats his arm away in retaliation.

"We need a break, but if you still want to work whatever we have out," she says, pointing to the space between them, "Call me, meet me or something. But if you don't."

She takes in a deep breath before continuing, "If you want to continue conning me into your lies. If you want to continue being with whoever that girl is. I'm not stopping you and I'm not going sit around and be manipulated."

She swings the creaky door and walks out, leaving Lucas in his studio, shocked, in tears and full of guilt.