Depression Is A War

Mine

I went back to the hospital where the "sick people" go. Remember in the last confession that I said I met this boy?? The boy next to me? So instead of calling him "the boy next to me", we should call him Mine. (I'll talk to you about that later). So I liked him a lot. Yes, I'm a weirdo, liking another person in a mental hospital. So I "yeas ed him into saying that I like someone in my school. I told him if he had any advice. He said "if you really really like him, then just ask him out." So all that day he kept asking me when was I was going to ask the guy I liked out. I said today. I gave him hints that I like him all that day. So finally, we go to lunch. Just by looking in his eyes, he was scared of something. I asked him if he was okay. What he said broke my heart. He said "I'm scared what would happen to me if I die. Like, where would I go, what will I do?" I put my hand on his knee. His eyes went from scared to calm. I said "don't think about that right now, as long as you are here and living, don't you worry about it." He nodded and gave me a weak smile. I put my hand down on my lap, than started to eat. He talked and joked for awhile, until it was time to go to the classroom. We were going to the classroom, then gym. But since some kids weren't paying attention, we would go only if we played hangman. I didn't know what the game was, so I assumed it was fun. Boy, was I wrong... I started to freak out when the man would look more like a man hanging from a ceiling. Mine (don't forget who he is...) saw my expressions and asked me if I was ok. I just said no. Once we got to the elevator, he went by me and asked if I was ok. I said no. What he said was so powerful to me. "I am here, no matter what. You can talk to me. And I won't judge." I nodded ok. We went back to the "classroom" and played bingo. I said to him that he had great advice. He said "Thanks" and then I made my move. I asked him for his phone number. Then, I asked him why he thinks I asked him for his phone number. He knew alright. "Because you like me, and I like you back." He said. I started to blush. Then I asked him "what does this mean?" He came closer and held my hand. I started laughing and held on to his hand. I went home and started cutting myself. The voices were just coming back.... stronger, faster, uglier. I was about to commit suicide. But my mom threw all the pills away and hid all the knifes. Shoot. So I didn't.