The WORST Bible Stories (And other scary scriptures)

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Following are some select stories from the Bible that are examples of stories that will be included in this book. There are 3 stories from both the Old Testament and the New Testament.

God's Angel Kills 70,000 Innocent People To Punish David

God was angry with Israel, so he incited David to take a census of his people[a] to know how many fighting men he had. King David told his general, Joab, to go through all the tribes of Israel from Dan to Beer Sheba and count the people. Joab asked David why he would want to do such a thing, but David insisted that it be done. Joab and the other military officials spent 9 months and 20 days counting all of the people of Israel before coming back to Jerusalem.

Joab reported to David the numbers of the people they had counted, and there were a lot![b] David felt guilty that he had counted the people because in Exodus 30:11-16, God told Moses that when a census is taken of the Israelites, every person counted must give God a ransom in exchange for their lives. So, David asked God to remove his guilt for performing the census that God had told him to take. The next day, God told David's prophet, Gad, to give David three options to choose from. David could have several years of famine[c] come upon his land, he could have his enemies chase him for three months, or he could have three days of plague in his lands. David said that he would rather be attacked by God than by men because of how merciful God is. So God sent an angel to deliver a plague through Israel and 70,000 people died from it.

When the angel was about to destroy Jerusalem too, God told him to stop killing people and wait. When David saw the angel, he begged God to stop killing innocent people and to instead attack him and his own family since he was the one who had sinned. Gad instructed David to build an altar to God and after the altar was built and burnt offerings were made, God accepted Israel's prayers and removed the plague. (2 Samuel 24)

God Has Bears Maul 42 Children For Elisha

As Elisha was traveling to Bethel, some children came out of the city and started making fun of him, calling him a baldy. He turned to the children and called a curse upon them in the name of God. Then, two bears came and tore 42 of the children apart and Elisha continued travelling. It is argued that these may have been young men instead of children, and that the Hebrew word describing them as "little" actually meant insignificant or unimportant. So the other version of the story is that Elisha felt his life was in danger by the number of these youths and that's why God let the bears kill them. (2 Kings 2:23-25)

God Tells Ezekiel An Extremely Sexual Allegory

God tells Ezekiel an allegory in which there were two sisters who were prostitutes in Egypt where their virgin breasts were squeezed and fondled. The older sister's name was Aholah, and she represented the city of Samaria. The younger sister's name was Aholibah and she represented the city of Jerusalem. God married both sisters and they gave birth to sons and daughters. Aholah engaged in prostitution while married to God and lusted after the Assyrians. She performed sexual favors for all of them and defiled herself with whomever she desired. Just as in Egypt, men had sex with her, fondled her breasts, and poured their fornication on her. So God handed her over to the Assyrians and they stripped her naked and killed her sons and daughters with swords.

Her sister watched this, but she was even more lustful than Aholah, committing even more acts of prostitution. She lusted after the Assyrians too, and God saw that they were going down the same path, but Oholibah increased her prostitution. She lusted after the Babylonians as well, and when she was defiled by them, she was repulsed by them, but she continued her prostitution. When she continued to expose her nakedness, God was disgusted with her, just as with her sister, but she increased her prostitution, remembering her youth in Egypt. She lusted after penises as big as donkeys' whose ejaculations were like a horse's.