Beautifully Insane

Chapter Four

  Tossing and turning all night I finally woke up jumping from the bed covered in sweat I ran my hand over the other side of the bed to find it still empty I tossed the covers off me before standing up and heading out of the room and down the steps. My feet quickly hopped down the steps and into the kitchen reading the time on the microwave that read six a.m. I swung open the frizzer grabbed the tub of ice cream that was in there and made my way back up the steps into the room and kicking the door shut before climbing back into the bed. I pulled off the top of the ice cream and put a scoop in my mouth, the cold ice cream felt amazing as I let out a sigh. Soon I found myself at the bottom of the container and the ice cream was gone, I got up heading into the kitchen to toss it in the trash before going to the piano room and sat down on the bench running my hands over the cold keys then beginning to play them. My fingers flowed ever so lightly over the keys I don't know where playing the piano came from but I always could it was like a gift to me. I finished the song and sighed I really need to find something to do because sitting in this Loft all day isn't working, I stood from the piano bench and headed back up stairs and into the bed room. I began stripping from my clothes before turning the Tv on and going to the music station the song 'Summertime Sadness'  was on I began singing to the words as I went into the bathroom and started up the bath tub letting it fill with warm water before stepping inside and sitting down. I let out a huge sigh and pulled my foot up to my chest and ran my hand over the scar across my foot before lathering my wash cloth and beginning to wash up.

I stepped out the bath tub thirty minutes later and dried off before slipping on a pair of under wear and the matching bra and lathered my body with lotion then slipped on my black sweat pants and a tink-top, grabbed a pair or sock and slipped them on before grabbing my 'New Balance'  and headed downstairs and out the door. I can't stand being in this house all day it's like being back at the facility. The sun wasn't out and the cold breezy swept across my face sending a chill up my spine and clouds filled the sky giving everything a grey tint. I hopped down the pavement an started walking down the street I don't know where I'm going but screw it, it's better then sitting in that house like a caged bird. I continued to walk cutting down alleys and bending corners that lead to who know where, finally after walking for about twenty minutes I came to the end of a cliff that looked over most of the city and sat down swinging my feet over the edge and sighing.

  I don't know what i'm going to do now back at the mental hospital everything seemed continuous everything was planned it I wasn't sitting in that hole they called a room  rotting away like a corpse. Maybe that's it maybe I would be better off dead, I'm not good for anything. I do nothing but bring harm towards people and myself. I wiped the fallen tear that I hadn't known was even falling until now, should I end it all? I dug my nails into the dirt trying to calm myself I could feel my body starting to slightly quiver uncontrollably and my breathing became unsteady. I began counting back from ten but it wasn't working, I looked down over the edge of the cliff seeing the piercing sharp rocks and gravel that was at the bottom. The tears that I refuse to continue to fall began to cloud my vision, I bit my lip holding in the screams that I wanted to let out so badly.

"Lizzy jump." Jasmine voice boomed

Her voice always seemed to come at the wrong time kicking me while in already down on my knees and begging to be saved, kicking dirt in the already burring me alive grave that I feel to be stuck in.

"Jump end it all, everything will be better." Jasmine's voice said almost sweetly

"No I can't." I sobbed out hearing my voice crack a little

"Come on Elizabeth, Jump!" Her voice screamed

"No!!" I yelled now letting the tears i've been trying to hard to hold in fall onto my lap