bones Ω a.i Ω

3

A couple of days passed consisting of Jenna's dirty looks, Mother looking at me as if I were to break at any moment, Ashton always wanting to be around me, Michael and Laurie's constant PDA, Calum trying to calm down Jenna, Angie being perfect, and Ricky just...being Ricky - a big brother. Luke is just Luke.

I sit on the patio of Ricky's three story house. He graduated high school two years early and got mega rich. He's still a little kid by heart.

I fiddled with my pack of Marlboro cigarettes. Opening it, I took one out and examined it. One wouldn't hurt right? I put the cigarette to my lips, lighting it up with my purple lighter. I inhaled and exhaled, relief filling my body. It's a bad habit, but it keeps me in a stage of not being hungry.

"You smoke?"

I jumped and looked back. Luke stood there, leaning up against the door frame.

"This is the first one I've had in years." I said, inhaling and exhaling once more.

"Can I try?" He stepped forward, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

I shrugged and handed it to him. He inhaled and started coughing. He shook his head and I let out a small laugh. Luke handed the cigarette back to me.

"I don't know how you do it, Wylie." He ran a hand through his quiffed hair.

"I shouldn't smoke anymore." I stepped on the cig and closed my box. "Here," I handed it to him. "I'm giving you the job of trashing these. Make sure I can't get to them."

"Job accepted." He smiled, his cheeks turning red.

"You always turn red when I talk to you." By this time I was standing and I nudged him playfully.

"Do I?" Luke rubbed at his face and I nodded. "Hmm, interesting." I laughed and he did as well, his blue eyes sparkling.

The guest room door opened and Jenna stood there, her arms crossed. "Luke, Cal needs you."

"Oh, okay." Before he left the room he turned and waved goodbye. I returned it. The door closed and it was just Jenna and I.

"Are you gonna run out again?" I opened my mouth to speak but before I could she spoke again. "Of course. Because that's what you do, Wiley. You run when things don't go your way."

I gaped. My face flaming up. "You don't know anything, Jenna. You don't know about the shit I went through. I left to save you and the rest of the family pain. You didn't need me fucking everything up." I pulled my hair back, strands falling out. "God, Jenna!"

"I can see you're still up to your dirty tricks -- the one that ripped this family apart." Jenna motioned toward the clump of hair in my hand.

She hugged her body with her long, thin arms. "And I know what you went through and you left after you put the family through that shit. You went to the hospital four fucking times and Mom and Dad made me quit cheer because of the debt you caused. You ruined everything. And I hate you for that." Jenna left without another word, almost bringing me to tears.

She hates you because you're skinnier than her.

I wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks and I sniffled. The door opened and I swiveled around, rubbing at my face and eyes.

"Are you...okay?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I'm now face to face with Ashton.

"You're --. Nevermind. Uh, you need to go with your mom and sisters to shop for bridesmaids dresses."

"Thanks." I grabbed my phone and purse and I left Ashton behind. I met my mother in the living room and I followed her out and into Laurie's gray BMW. Jenna sat in the backseat with me, sitting as far away as possible.

×××××

"I was thinking a plum color." Laurie said. "Plum is a pretty good color all around."

"I've already decided on periwinkle." Jenna spoke.

"Okay, so Wiley we put your dress on hold and the other bridesmaids have their dresses at home. We need to make sure your dress will fit." Mother walked over to the desk and asked for the plum and periwinkle dresses. The plum one went to the ground in a mermaid style and the periwinkle one went just above the knees -- not too long and not too short.

Everyone's going to see your fat thighs and calves.

"I-I have to wear the short dress?" I played with my thin fingers.

Jenna sighed exasperated. A burning stare of hate filled her eyes. "God! Do you have to bitch about everything? Just try on the fucking dress and if you don't want to...well, don't let the door hit you on your way out."

I snatched the dresses from my mother. "Where's the changing room?" I glared at Jenna, whom had her nose scrunched up in disgust.

×××××

I tried on Laurie's dress first. Her's the way it was supposed to. After, I tried on Jenna's it fit too tight, I couldn't zip the dress up.

Tears welling up in my eyes, I hung the dress up and looked at the size. I'm a 4 and the dress was a 0. The size I was years ago.

I looked in the mirror. I saw a fat me with a double chin and flabby arms. I saw trash and I saw a disgusting me. I was going to get to that 0. I'm not going to say it didn't fit.

Ana: This will be motivation for you, Wiley. Think about it.

Me: But I've been doing better.

Ana: Better is not perfection! It's like you don't understand that that four starts with F and F starts with FAT!

Me: You're right.

Ana: I know I am...you need me.

Me: I do need you.

I walked out of the dressing room and handed my mother the dresses. "Laurie's dress was 4 sizes too big." I lied.

"Oh no! Okay we'll get that fixed. So a 0?"

"Yes."