Kissing Dylan

four: remembering

     The real mystery at the moment was who the hell I was kissing. Or, I guess, who the hell was kissing me. 

     For a brief second I was in fear that my mother had gone crazy and that she was pushing me against the wall and locked our lips together. I never knew she had such incestuous thoughts.

     But of course, I figured better. It can't be her, despite the fact that she was the only other full grown adult  that lived in our house. And these lips were way too familiar, almost like I had greeted them not too long ago.

     And the moment I realized who it was,  I regained my common sense.  

     "Dylan?" I gasped as I pushed his chest away. "What the fuck are you doing?"

      He had those same eyes again. Distant and glazed.  He suddenly dug his hands into his dark hair, messing it up frustratingly. "I'm trying to remember."

      The suspicion I had towards him began to fade. "Remember Ludwig?"

     "Remember that summer."

      I couldn't help but feel sympathetic as I watched him try hard to remember something that he couldn't. There were a lot of things I didn't know about that summer, either. And it was still hard to piece it all together, especially since Ludwig wasn't here anymore. 

     I could now tell how much confusion he was going through, just like me. I was seeing him only as Ludwig, and I wasn't sure what state of mind he was in. 

     I reached to hold one of his wrists away from his hair. "Let me help you. I want to figure all this shit out as much as you do."

     "Some of the things you've been telling me," he said out of nowhere, "I'm starting to think you might be right."

     We stared at each other for a few seconds, and I was feeling a moment of victory. He believes in me, finally. Yes!   Did he really just say that?

     He then set off the mood by looking away. "It's not like I need your help, though. You being around would just maybe make it a little easier, I guess."

      I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Mr. Dylan West." 

      Even if he didn't want to admit it, we both knew that we needed each other to solve this mystery. 

      He took a step back, taking a seat onto my bed. "Are we really going to be able to do this, though?"

      "I don't even really know what we really need to find out," I admitted. "This whole thing is really confusing. To me, you're Ludwig. But to you, you don't even know who the hell you really are anymore."

      He blinked. "That's exactly what I'm thinking right now."

      "I guess I can read you pretty well then." Just like Ludwig. 

      "But when I kiss you," he said, "I feel like I know myself better.  But it's not me that I know me better, it's another person that's inside of me that I understand better. Almost like he's taking over one part of my mind. It's reassuring, but also sort of frightening."

      "You know, if you said that to someone else they'll think you're crazy."

       I didn't realize how he was holding onto both of my hands with each of his. "I know, but you're not someone else. You're the only person that gets me. A complete stranger, yet you know me better than my friends do right now."