Between You And Me

|| 17 || A Mistake

|| 17 || A Mistake

I didn't like this feeling of guilt.

It had latched itself onto me last night and now I couldn't shake it off.

Everytime I thought about the kiss Adam and I shared, I felt sick to my stomach about what Joey would think.

But then my traiterous mind would drift onto the way Adam's lips felt against mine and how he kissed me with such an intensity that it left me breathless.

I didn't want to think about anyone else's kisses in that way apart from Joey's. He was my boyfriend and I liked him a lot and I wasn't planning on leaving him anytime soon.

But I wasn't so sure he would still want to be with me if knew about the kiss.

That was one of the main reasons why I was hesitant on informing Joey about what happened between Adam and I.

We had only just started dating and I didn't want to ruin what we had by telling him about this.

But then again, there was the fact that he had a right to know and it would be wrong to keep him in the dark about this.

I was torn about what to do and coupled with the self-reproach I felt, well, it was driving me insane.

After the match last night, I had gotten Joey to drop me off home. He knew something was up because I had refused his offer of pizza which he had promised me at lunch.

I assured him I was alright, that I was just tired and had a bit of a headache.

He nodded and said he understood before leaning over the console to give me a kiss.

But I freaked out at the last minute and turned my head so his lips met my cheeks instead.

For some reason, I couldn't stand the thought of Joey kissing me after Adam had just done so.

I felt disgusted with myself and I didn't want Joey to kiss me whilst I felt like this.

As soon as I was inside my bedroom, I headed straight to my en suite for a shower.

I thought that maybe after my shower I would feel refreshed and less distressed about this whole kiss ordeal, but the effect was the exact opposite.

I came out even more worried because I had been constantly pondering over whether Joey should know about the kiss or not.

With a heavy sigh, I sat on my bed and ran a hand through my hair. What a shitty day it had been.

And the effects of this shitty day were catching up to me now because I released a loud yawn as my eyes felt droopy.

I just realised how tired I was and nothing seemed more appealing than sleep right now.

So, after switching my light off, I slipped into my warm bed. I released a long, slow exhale and closed my eyes.

I was just about to drift off into sleep when my phone pinged.

My eyes instantly snapped open and in my frustration, I nearly leant over and chucked my phone across the room. I was just on the verge of sleep when someone had to send me a bloody text.

I closed my eyes again.

Don't look at it, don't look at it, don't look at -

Before I knew it, my hand was reaching out and grabbing my phone.

adam:
i'm sorry