linger // niall horan

three // a trí

gus's pov

Groaning, I slip out of my sunflower patterned t-shirt dress, forgetting how much of a child that makes me look like. I stand there in my bra and underwear, gazing into my closet, feeling hopeless. I can feel Tierney's concerned gaze on me as she lounges across my bed, keeping me company.

"I'm not changing because I care if that's what you're thinking," I glance over my shoulder, giving her an irritated look. 

"Then why have you gone through twenty different outfits?"

I pretend I don't hear her. 

But she doesn't let this whole thing go. Ever since my mum dropped the bomb on me two days ago, she's been harassing me with questions. I've managed to divert them, but I knew that would only last so long. 

As I slip into one of my favorite pink summer dresses, she tries again.

"So tell me if I've got this all right," She starts, her eyebrows pulled together in concentration. I brace myself, "Niall from the boyband One Direction - which I cannot believe you lied to me when I asked you about that old picture of you at your parents' place - was your childhood best friend?"

When she says "was" I cringe a bit. It's funny how someone can be a part of your daily life and then one day become past tense. 

"Yeah, he was," I nod, smoothing the skirt of my dress down, avoiding Tierney's gaze in the mirror. 

I knew how ridiculous this whole situation seemed. This isn't the type of secret you keep from your best mate. Though I had hoped I would go the rest of my mind never having to face this whole thing - him - again. That's usually my way of dealing with things, avoiding them and hoping they'll disappear without actually doing anything about them. 

It doesn't help that the summer Niall left was singlehandedly the worst summer of my life. Not something I necessarily wanted to recount for years. 

"Then he left for X Factor and you just lost contact?" She asks, her voice lifting with pure confusion. 

My mouth opens to snap at her, to tell her to butt out of it, but I stop myself. It's been six years, Augustine, get over it already. 

"I mean, I was sixteen and petty," I stammer out some sort of explanation for the first time. I can feel an embarrassed shade of pink creeping up my neck. Whenever I think back to the way I acted back then, I want to crawl in a hole and bury myself.

The day after our horrible fight around the bonfire I didn't leave bed. I cried for most of the morning, then by lunch I was over being sad and I was furious. Niall had tried calling and I ignored his calls, only so I didn't say something I would regret if I answered. 

That lasted for about a week, then the calls stopped. 

"You didn't try to call him or anything?" Tierney asks, making me feel the regret all over again.

After the anger faded and the whole town was swept up in pride over Niall's X Factor success - one of Mullingar's own was on TV - I missed him like crazy. I picked up the phone to call him every single night. My fingers knew his numbers as if the digits were an extension of my fingertips. But I couldn't get myself to press 'call'. 

"Nah," I shrug as if it weren't a big deal, yet again lying to Tierney. 

There was only one other person who knew about my tortured Niall phase of my life. Shay went through his own as well, though he hid his much better than I did. 

"And on top of all of that," Tierney flips onto her back, staring up at the ceiling, looking overwhelmed, "You used to be madly in love with him?"

I quickly sit down, feeling quite dizzy. Hearing her say it aloud made me feel queasy. I felt like I was sixteen all over again. It wasn't a feeling I ever wanted settling in my bones again. I had felt it when my mum told me Niall was coming back and after I made love to Shay later that same night, I shed a few tears because the feeling wouldn't leave.