Small Choices

18 the phone call

"Mom, I have something to tell you."

Niall sat in Harry's couch and it was morning. He had hardly been able to sleep all night, but he knew that this was something as must be done. Harry was in the kitchen and he was there in case Niall needed him. At the other end of the handset Niall heard how his mom was preparing this. She heard at Nialls voice that it was something serious, and perhaps she sensed that she would get a shock?

"I don't know how to explain it." he muttered hoarsely, and he felt his hands shaking. Maura took a breath.

"Just tell me!" she said kindly. "I understand that it's something as you really want to talk about?"

Niall closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"You know that girl I told you about, as I have met?"

Yes, she remembered.

"Yes?"

Niall swallowed.

"That isn't the whole truth." he whispered hoarsely. "I have met a person, but it's not a she, it's a he."

Maura didn't understand.

"Yes? But you get friends your whole life?"

He swallowed.

"Mom, I'm with a guy."

There was silence. Total quiet and he didn't even hear her breathing. Niall opened his eyes and somehow he wasn't scared anymore. Now he had told her about this and he realized that everything was now in his mom's hands.

"I guess I like both guys and girls." he continued hoarsely. "I love Harry and he loves me, exactly as it should be."

"Harry?" Her voice sounded hazy, a little hoarse and maybe she began to realize what it was he really told her?

"Yes, it's him I'm with."

She cleared her throat.

"So you call me to tell me that you're gay?"

Niall assumed he didn't really manage to explain the difference between gay and bisexual.

"In short yes"

She cleared her throat again.

"A guy?"

Niall swallowed.

"Yes, Mom. I'm with a guy who I love and he's the one I want to be with, although he's not a girl."

Silence. It was as if the air just disappeared for her. It was as if she didn't found the words and maybe that was expected? Niall knew it could only get worse, but at the same time, he could now be more open with who he, himself, was.

"You don't have to approve it, or even like it." he continued safely. "I just want you to know the truth."

----

Harry hugged Niall hard. The Irishman was crying and he was shaking all over. Harry sat on the couch with Niall in his lap. It was as if the world stood still.

"She'll understand." Harry whispered hoarsely. Niall held his arms tightly around his neck and he hid his face against his neck.

"No, but in a way I understand her." he replied, sobbing. Harry let his hands caress Nialls back and he wished he could take over some of the pain as Niall felt.

"Maybe one day she calls you and telling you that she accept it?"

Niall raised his head and he looked into Harry's green eyes.

"You don't need to say those words." he whispered quickly. "I know that she's disappointed and actually, I'm still glad I told her about us."

Harry nodded. Even the tears ran down Nialls cheeks but still he smiled a little bit.

"I am both sad and happy." he declared hoarsely. "I guess I can't do anything about it, but now it's as it should be. We are together and everyone knows about it."

Harry nodded again. He was surprised when Niall right as it was started to kiss him. First, soft and then more demanding. Harry groaned and he took his arms around him, a little more hard. Niall sat with one leg on each side of Harry's thigh. He continued to cry. He sat down right over Harry's part down there and without hesitation began Niall bringing their bodies against each other. Harry moaned and he let his hands land around Nialls butt. It felt funny. Harry felt the tears flowed, but still showed Nialls body otherwise.

"I love you!" Niall mumbled between the kisses, foggy. He took down a hand, unbuttoned Harry's pants and pulled out the hard part. He then proceeded to push the body up and down against it. Harry groaned and he realized this was the first time that Niall decided over such a thing. The Irishman moaned and he was almost like a girl, in Harry's lap.

"Want you." Niall mumbled on and he undid his own pants. Then he slipped away from Harry and stood on the floor. He took off all his clothes and so that he become totally naked, then he sat down again in Harry's lap. It was as if the grief made him want to do something, something different. Niall pulled off Harry his shirt and then he kissed him again, desperately.

Niall groaned. He wanted to feel closeness, he wanted to do more than just cry. He loved Harry, and Harry was almost more important than the family and frankly, why bother about their opinion? He moaned and he brought the body quickly up and down. He saw how Harry enjoyed Nialls movements and it was as if the two of them were more than made for each other. Harry held his hands tightly over Nialls ass and he groaned loudly. Niall felt how he repeatedly landed in Harry's lap and it was nice. Yes, he loved having sex with this guy. He closed his eyes, faster up and down. Harder, rougher, deeper.

Niall put a hand on Harry's chest, the other hand slid down to his own desperate part. He was hard and he was totally inside what happened. Faster up and down and he brought the hand back and forth over his own part. Harry groaned louder and he opened his eyes. They looked at each other and they knew, yes, they knew everything. It was as if God was smiling in heaven, because it finally became as God had planned.

Afterwards just sat Niall totally still in Harrys lap. He held his arms tightly around Harry's neck, and he hid his face against his neck. Harry let his hands caress the Irishman back and he sensed that this had been a sex that he needed.

"Are you okay?"

Niall nodded tired.

"Yes, I'm sorry that I was so..." He raised his head. "I have no regrets and I really want us to, but it all..."

Harry kissed him softly on the lips,

"You don't need to explain and you don't even need to talk."

Niall smiled gratefully.

"Okay!"

Harry kissed him back gently.

"I love you and I want you here." he whispered hoarsely. "Even that your family don't accept me, I know that you have already realized that we belong together."